Just A Fat Cat

I'm here to read my own tweets and laugh at them... also hi I’m Ashley

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

I’m young enough that all the processed food I ate as I kid gave me permanent joint pain, but too old to have had whatever hormone injected milk the kids are drinking these days that makes 12yos look like 23yo models.

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

The first verse of Blood Bank by Bon Iver but played over the scene when Michael Scott passes out after meeting the hot girl while donating blood

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

Does anyone else worry about if the speed of their windshield wipers is socially acceptable in a light rain?

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

I should be studying for a life-changing licensing exam but instead I cleaned my whole house and alphabetized every app on my phone.

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

Is he even your husband if he doesn’t try to remind you of how much he *didn’t* have a crush on you before yall started dating? 🤷‍♀️

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

Tbh most the time it be like that. Not even just sometimes.

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

You think your girl’s temperamental? Go try to cook a pot of brown rice. Just trust me.

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

I had a nightmare last night that I got half an hour through a large Zoom conference call and noticed my mic wasn’t muted... so that’s how quarantine is going for me @zoom_us #sendhelp

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

One of my worst qualities is probably how when I’m unloading groceries from a shopping trip, I put away the frozen food last.

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

@roxstew1 RIGHT?

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

Still the mood

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

Mood: *listens to Ooh Child by The Five Stairsteps while simultaneously dancing, singing and crying*

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

Okay but why did @sleepnumber not call themselves Slumber Number?

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

Why is eBay not called eBuy? 🤔

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

But actually I am still mad.

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

@Interstate4 honestly I’m not even mad anymore I’m just disappointed

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

True Nursing School story:
*project is assigned to me at 5pm on 9/29*
“Your project is due a 11:59pm on 9/29”
#nursingschool

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

I wish @Wendys fries were as salty as their tweets #stillloveyoutho

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

I just watered down my lemonade. Does this mean I’m finally an adult?

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

Think I’m going to start spelling my name “Aschllieghe” just to make everyone’s life a little more difficult... including my own. #itsprobablyGaelic #improbablyirish

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

My Sunday
✔️Wake up
✔️Eat oatmeal creme pie
✔️Lay out at pool
✔️Nap rest of day
✔️Do shame induced jazzercise at 9:30pm
✔️Eat oatmeal creme pie
#theywerebogoatpublix

[Just A Fat Cat @justafatcat]

Someone recently said that I cope with difficult situations by entering a state of denial and I just don’t see any possible way that could be true. #nope #noway #notme #impossible