Taste of Orange

I'm Mitzi McColley Sorensen's (Rep'd by Victoria Lea at the Aponte Literary Agency) favorite protagonist and can kick the Disney animated character's asses.

[Taste of Orange @JustClancy]

Who needs online dating when they now have grocery senior hour.

[Brian Hope @Brianhopecomedy]

I'm suing the zoo as we followed their advice and now our cat is dead.

[Brian Hope @Brianhopecomedy]

Told my 6 year old to ask questions throughout the game so I can teach him the rules of football. I'm not telling him there's a 2nd half.

[Taste of Orange @JustClancy]

Craigslist seller: Offer no good. I'd rather burn it
Me: Your veneer chest won't burn hot enough. Add Eucalyptus. It's a good source of heat

[Just Bill @WilliamAder]

Me: Wow! Come out here and look at this Supermoon.
Wife: That's a street light.
Me: That would explain the buzzing.

[Taste of Orange @JustClancy]

Just saw two dead deer by the side of the road. You were right mom. Bad things happen when you run with the wrong crowd!

[Taste of Orange @JustClancy]

My sister can't give up cigarettes because she's addicted to lighters.

[Swishergirl @Swishergirl24]

I would have kids, but they just seem like horrible loud dogs that live forever.

[Just Bill @WilliamAder]

Boss: Thank you for taking minutes at the staff meeting.
Me: That was my dream journal.

[Brian Hope @Brianhopecomedy]

I assume the guy that gave this hotel 4 stars on Trip Advisor had never been on a bed before.

[Brian Hope @Brianhopecomedy]

My buddy was a little behind the times and finally did the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge last week. He died from hypothermia.

[Brian Hope @Brianhopecomedy]

I know I did a good job dressing my 3 year old when my wife doesn't have to tell everyone she sees that I dressed her.

[Taste of Orange @JustClancy]

I sent that 'Ancestry' site some information and they sent back their condolences.

[Taste of Orange @JustClancy]

Santa saw what my friends posted on my facebook timeline. They're all getting clothes and a bible for Christmas.

[Taste of Orange @JustClancy]

I keep hitting the delete key, but my boss is still hovering over me!

[Taste of Orange @JustClancy]

3 yr: Why is your house small?

Me: Because only one person lives here.

4 yr: So . . . ask Santa for a friend & you can get a bigger place.

[Taste of Orange @JustClancy]

I had natural childbirth with all four of my children . . . . I didn't wear any makeup.

[Taste of Orange @JustClancy]

Kim Kardashian is releasing a 352-page hardcover book of her selfies. Proof she can neither read nor write.

We've hit rock bottom.

[Taste of Orange @JustClancy]

<------------Takes a shower every time the computer tells her to refresh.

[Taste of Orange @JustClancy]

I'm in Costco having an out-of-money experience.