J VanAbbey

Writer.

[J VanAbbey @JVAbbey]

Your grandma is stuck in a tree #BadReasonsToCallAFireman

[J VanAbbey @JVAbbey]

There's a serious problem when you live in Michigan and have to turn your air conditioning on in December.

[J VanAbbey @JVAbbey]

You know your kid really loves you if they give you a chocolate Timbit.

[J VanAbbey @JVAbbey]

My 3 y.o. made me a fort. Day is made.

[J VanAbbey @JVAbbey]

When a vendor sends flowers as a thank you gift, but you really just want food...

[J VanAbbey @JVAbbey]

Returning to work after Thanksgiving break is like wearing 3 hats at the same time.

[Miss TeaSea @b4sage]

Day 1 of cleanse: LOL

[J VanAbbey @JVAbbey]

I'd rather be flown into a hot zone than work in a daycare.

[J VanAbbey @JVAbbey]

When you are recruiting at a job fair and no one wants to talk to you because you have shitty swag.

[J VanAbbey @JVAbbey]

Sometimes you have to coin a phrase.....just remember who is the mint.

[J VanAbbey @JVAbbey]

The guy making my sandwich at Subway was so high I thought I might get a contact buzz from my food.

[J VanAbbey @JVAbbey]

My husband told me he'd bang the PMS out of me!

[Fantasy Author @BrianRathbone]

The pessimism support group meeting has been cancelled because it wouldn't do any good anyway.

[J VanAbbey @JVAbbey]

If you are at work and your boss says they need to clarify something - run!!

[gary georgevich @garygeorgevich]

Bones of Woolly Mammoth found in Michigan now thought to be that of missing Teamsters President Jimmy Hoffa. @absrdNEWS

[I'm All Write 🍻 @imallwritecom]

Bill Hader has done pretty well for a guy who's name is a declaration he does not like written requests for payment of goods and/or services

[яicку @iinkedZombie]

Outvoted 1-1 by my wife again.

[D. Humann @dhumann]

You say "okie dokie" a lot for a person who wants to have friends.

[J VanAbbey @JVAbbey]

If a white girl drinks a pumpkin spice latte in the forest, does it make a sound?