angel🦋

crazy phở you @PattyShelts 🍲

[angel🦋 @jxnab]

guess i’m both legally and emotionally married now 💅🏻💍

[angel🦋 @jxnab]

legally i’m single, but emotionally i’m married

[Mikita 👨‍💻 @mikitaposts]

The most stable position in the British government

[Eufóricos. @Euforicos4]

Mi papá llegó con flores para mi mamá y le dije: "¿que onda pá? Es el Día del padre" y me dijo "Ella me hizo papá"

[s44nti @s44nti]

cuando limpias tu habitación tan bien que la única basura que queda eres tú:

[James Tate @JamesTate121]

Step 1: Remove filters in Reflecting Pool because Obama put them in.
Step 2: Give your criminal neighbor who runs "Greenwater Services" a $20 million no-bid contract to paint the pool.
Step 3: Fill the pool with water from the Potomac River, the phosphates from which cause algae blooms.
Step 4: Freshly sealed pool and extreme heat result in a super scum event
Step 5: Direct National Park Service to dump hydrogen peroxide into the pool which causes the paint to peel.
Step 5: Deploy US National Guard to stop people from taking photos of the swamp as a perfect metaphor for the administration.
Step 6: Blame someone else.

[100 @yh_me2]

I wonder how many miles I scrolled with my thumb

[blue @bluewmist]

WE REALLY NEED TO NORMALIZE THE THREE DAY WEEKEND. ONE DAY FOR ACTIVITIES, ONE DAY FOR CLEANING AND ONE DAY FOR REST AND TV BINGING

[Jeffrey Valle @_jeffrey_valle]

Yo inmediatamente después de almorzar:

[Dyylas @DylanDyylas]

defending a trillionaire

[⊹ ࣪ pam ˖✦ @pamvonhadder]

This and never hearing about chatGPT again please

[miya @miyarah_]

sabes que vas a desperdiciar tu día entero cuando ves estas sillas

[the Dan Velez @thedanvelez]

ele parece um velhinho sabio que cuida de uma biblioteca

[mellromao @mellromao]

“Quando eu estiver de mau humor não direi nada, mas haverá sinais.”
Os sinais:

[AMARA💕 @simbyii]

Bank app: “Are you sure you want to make this transfer”

Me:

[Marie🧚 @glitchu__]

BRO EVERYTHING COSTS MONEY AND EVERYTHING HAS CALORIES

[Marcela Quintero @Marcela252016]

Los niños actualmente no se guardan absolutamente nada. Y eso me parece excelente.

Fuimos a una reunión familiar y mi sobrino levantó los platos de la mesa (costumbre su casa) y uno de los adultos le dijo que eso era "tarea de las mujeres". Mi sobrino de 10 años le responde:" no es de mujeres, lo que pasa es que usted es un inútil"

[nico 🐻⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ @robertkittymeow]

This is currently my favorite thing on marketplace, a lady selling her stuff and her cat interrupting each picture

[David Delahunty @Delahuntagram]

Band-Aids in the design of animal rugs

[GARLOTIC @garlotic]

En qué momento pasé de esto a pagar facturas?