Kellyanne "below average" Toal

Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end!

[Kellyanne "below average" Toal @kabondulich]

"Geez everyone needs to stop being so dramatic" *me 5 minutes later*

[The Saurus @TheSaurus831]

Really is a tough call.

On one hand - every Nobel prize winning economist is adamantly stating that Harris has a significantly better economic plan

But on the other hand - the dumbest people I’ve ever interacted with say Trump is a good businessman

Quite the dilemma

[Adam Sass @TheAdamSass]

The final days of the election have everything:
-squirrel euthanasia
-the gay motherfication of Ann Selzer
-the guy who shot Bin Laden threatening to sexually enslave College Boys for Kamala

[keely flaherty @keelyflaherty]

feeling rested, recharged, and ready to take on this totally normal week

[ellory smith @ellorysmith]

But surely this wouldn’t happen to me. Like my black spatula is probably fine right

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

“talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend” ummm why would i do that? my friends are all perfect beautiful angels & i am god’s least favorite slug

[SpongeBob SquareAss @thereisnojayjay]

This is - and I am not joking - one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

[Kellyanne "below average" Toal @kabondulich]

My 12 month old after daycare every day

[Matt. @MattTheBrand]

Ah yes time to come home and have a nice nutritious meal called “37 crackers”

[Jon Lovett @jonlovett]

NEVER SHOULD HAVE LET HIM NEAR THE FUCKING FRIES

[Keara Sullivan @superkeara]

When no one at the group dinner wants appetizers and then they say some shit like “But if you want the artichoke dip you should totally get it.” Bitch u know full well I’m not gonna get an artichoke dip platter for one. The dream is dead and u were the one who killed it.

[Tom Zohar @TomZohar]

They look like they own and operate a drag club and they just found out their son is about to marry a woman from a conservative family

[Beth @MrsStinkFingers]

DID I EVER TELL YOU HOW HUGE ARNOLD PALMER'S CLUNKER IS?

[Taylor @tayforpay]

what if i said all the fun parts of america are green

[broti gupta @BrotiGupta]

mommy-to-be here with a question for other parents: when do you first tell the baby about when john travolta said adele dazeem?

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

when ppl ask if I have any hobbies

[Eric Goldman @TheEricGoldman]

Me trying to explain to my not-perpetually online friends the backstory that has led to this moment feeling so monumental.

[Tommy Stella @tommy_stella]

Send him in to interview her. He’ll get results.

[Breeana Flannery @BreeanaFlannery]

Obsessed with her #EnglishTeacher

[Kellyanne "below average" Toal @kabondulich]

God this is so embarrassing

[Doug Mills @dougmillsnyt]

.@realDonaldTrump introduces Elon Musk during a rally in Butler, Pa.