NOT Kale

woof bitch

[NOT Kale @kalebarkerson]

I only go to escape rooms w ppl I don’t like to add to the tension

[#1 horse hater @tocophobia]

I LOVE WEED! This morning, my daughter called… decline! Smoking, honey! LOL

[NOT Kale @kalebarkerson]

Please somebody shut this bitch up

[NOT Kale @kalebarkerson]

My Birth Control Is Trying To Kill Me!
& 10 other short stories to scare

[taylor @fourleggedgirl]

tweezed a load bearing eyebrow hair the night before my birthday

[NOT Kale @kalebarkerson]

Just run me over please

[NOT Kale @kalebarkerson]

I think the amoeba ate my whole brain and there’s nothing left

[miri @mishtimere]

the dead horse is beating me

[NOT Kale @kalebarkerson]

I wish I was a lizard so bad

[NOT Kale @kalebarkerson]

“I feel like you like tomatoes”

[NOT Kale @kalebarkerson]

I can’t believe we met when I had bangs & now I have to have them forever or else my forehead will look huge

[NOT Kale @kalebarkerson]

Getting clown makeup tattooed

[NOT Kale @kalebarkerson]

This is what my children will have left to remember me by

[NOT Kale @kalebarkerson]

Ur my wife we’re married

[NOT Kale @kalebarkerson]

Using a Neti Pot just to feel something

[krill @anthraxp1mp]

I can’t put cigarettes behind my ear because they whisper secrets to me

[NOT Kale @kalebarkerson]

He’d hurl me into the ocean & never look back

[Laurence @ibeonline]

Got fooled again they're taking me to the sike ward