gimana ya cara ngejelasin kalau kita tuh emotionally unavailable and easily socially overwhelmed karena sensory issues. gak ada niat gak menghargai atau nganggep orang gak penting. i just genuinely get exhausted from having to reply to chats, answer calls, maintain conversations, or meet up regularly, even when i look active online & free. belum lagi kalau lagi hyperfocused on something.
kadang capek juga sama standar โkalau peduli pasti balesโ, โkalau sayang pasti nyempetinโ, โkalau gak ngabarin berarti gak penting.โ and this isnโt even exclusively about romance. pertemanan juga sering kayak gitu. padahal sama orang tua sendiri aja kadang gue butuh waktu buat bales chat wkwkwk yes im the distant daughter, makanya seringnya ditelpon karena kalau chat lama balesnya.
selama ini kita berusaha masking dan mengikuti standar social availability orang lain, tapi any meaningful relationship we have still canโt magically override our limitations. punya kepedulian sama orang lain gak ujug-ujug bikin social battery gue bertambah.
bahkan sama temen-temen yang gue genuinely enjoy being around, kadang dari awal gue udah bilang, โlagi males ngomong yaโ then i just sit there with them, listen to them, watch them do their thing, and genuinely enjoy their company. i want your presence, i just dont always want interaction.
sering juga lagi overwhelmed tapi maksain ketemu orang-orang, malah tiba-tiba nangis karena saat itu kepala gue masih penuh mikirin final project wkwk makanya gabisa dadakan dan harus selalu mentally prepared dulu karena kita jadi gak โhadirโ diajak ngomong aja zoning out๐น๐น๐น
and romantic interests somehow feel even more pressuring. once someone starts expecting constant replies, calls, updates, attention, or access to my time, i immediately feel overwhelmed. especially when weโre barely anything yet. youโre not even my husband, why am i already being treated like i owe you constant availability? i really dont like men who act controlling or entitled to my time and attention. youโre still practically a stranger to me. and yes, i can be interested in someone, think heโs a genuinely good guy, and still not be comfortable giving him that much access to me.
interest does not automatically equal access. the moment i feel being demanded, it stresses me out and makes me anxious. merasa bisa mencapai milestone tapi maintainingnya gak tau.
i dont think i would survive lansekap romansa era modern bruh, kayaknya harus hidup di zaman 70an, ngabarin orang pakai surat nyampenya seminggu sekali๐น๐น๐น
a quick recap: rupiah tembus 18 ribu/dolar, pembakaran hutan & lahan blm usai, darurat ispa, korban gempa NTT meninggal di pengungsian, sumatra dilanda banjir, harga pangan naik, krisis air bersih, BBM langka, keracunan MBG masih tjd, pengadaan sarung bantal 9M. semua blm normal.