Kali Williams

Standup Comedy/Film Production/Screenwriting/Sketch/Puppets/Drag King/False Prophet

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

Dude pussy is so gay
That's where a man's dick goes

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

I feel like if I ate you I'd get high

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

sees a hot man
me: I'm so progressive with my sexuality
sees a hot woman
me: I'm a sexual deviant who needs to be put in jail

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

Why does bad lighting make porn disgusting

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

emoji pong is bad and im glad @instagram didn't hire whichever interviewee they stole the idea from

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

You don't nail everything, you're not supposed to nail everything
You're not supposed to get every move right, that's not how art works
Don't sweat the little things you messed up, the little things you messed up are what makes it art

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

someone called me chill today and i almost wet my pants

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

I know we shouldn't be posting on twitter but it came to me in a dream!
Men: women are mean
Men: but also they just want love
Men: and I just want sex
Men: but also I'm a romantic that just wants a girlfriend outta these hoes!!!

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

Wow

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

Guys will "respect women" and then yell at their alexa

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

I figured out the meaning of life. It's buying a little snack and eating it on the way home

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

im not eavesdropping. im pirating your conversation

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

I mean it in the most gracious and respectful way when I say that Barack Obama reminds me of Kermit the Frog.

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

@SYSKPodcast You should do an episode on PETA, and all the wacky stuff they do & say & think

https://t.co/ALpT8UmZQl

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

My pronouns are he/himbo

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

Open mic happening tonight. PM for time/place.

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

Creature: make me a girlfriend
Frankenstein: okay i will

Creature: make me a zany neighbour
Frankenstein: what

[Elliot Page @TheElliotPage]

With deep respect for those who came before me, gratitude for those who have supported me & great concern for the generation of trans youth we must all protect, please join me and decry anti-trans legislation, hate & discrimination in all its forms.

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

@LOrealParisUSA did you seriously hire known domestic abuser Amber Heard for a commercial in 2021?? Jesus....

[Kali Williams @kalithethird]

Where is the tear gas? Where are the rubber bullets? Where are the mass arrests?