The perfect quarantine schedule,
4:00 - Wallow in self pity
4:30 - Stare into the abyss
5:00 - Solve world hunger (tell no one)
5:30 - Jazzercise
6:30 - Dinner with me (I cant cancel that again)
7:00 - Wrestle with my self loathing
It’s always so funny to me when women say “my husband will kill me” or “I’ll be divorced if I bring home another animal!” Bcuz I’ve brought home so many animals and neither of those things have ever crossed my mind because I am the boss lady and my husband will get over it
Listing the top 3 midwesterner talents:
1. ability to smell a storm before it comes is our sixth sense
2. driving miles to your destination with a completely frosted windshield
3. apologizing uncontrollably to everything. it’s a curse and a blessing. we’re sorry. ope