kar

[لا حولَ @Idgafwarvet]

Im gonna hold your bald spot when i say this

[glocc @gloccz8v]

Y’all gone be 82 still tb “I miss 2016” bro let it go

[Ted @Tedoffthegrid]

Last night I served this couple and I said “hey how are you ladies tonight?” And one said “we are great thanks” and in the thickest Jamaican accent her girlfriend stopped her and said “dont tell her I’m good. I’m never good. I’m awful. I need food immediately” obsessed with her

[garshmo @garshmo]

Throw any number at me I bet l've heard of it

[Chuck Bass @ChuckFBass]

I haven't had a sip of alcohol in 4 days

I've slept great
I feel energetic throughout the day
My mood has improved

I'm going to celebrate with a margarita tower for 49ers/Rams

[jay ✰ @jayythewave]

there’s been a british voice in my head saying “bit sad innit” for the past week and a half

[rex volcano @RexVolcano]

seeing a lot of “Bill Belichick is just taking the UNC job to line his son up for a coaching gig” posts, and I think that’s disrespectful to a NFL legend. Bill took the UNC job to help get his girlfriend into grad school

[Khoi Dao @khoidaooo]

if you’re a public defender named mario you have the chance to do the funniest thing ever

[pluto ✧˖° @plxtoswxrld]

how tf did adhd people in the 1900s hyperfixate? like man i cannot stop thinking about horse and cart

[SHMONEY @shmoney_yrh]

Yall take this fashion shit too far I asked this nigga why he smoking a cigarette he gone say it go with the outfit.. I just walked off

[vance @_vancethomas]

yeah nvm lock him up

[Shaun Johnson @ShyBucketGetter]

Someone tell Luigi there’s a CEO wearing number 15 for the Chiefs next Sunday

[pxt @paulxt]

nothing will ever surpass the boston bomber's last tweet being "i'm a stress free kinda guy"

[gwen howerton @kissphoria]

when you're 26 you can either shoot a healthcare ceo or recieve a 15-year $765 million deal with the new york mets

[Hank Green @hankgreen]

They are not.

[Feru ✭ @ferupity]

Bitches be posting “nobody cares about your Spotify wrapped” and then post a pic of their baby ???

[KMT @AllProTez]

If you’re a Democrat, I don’t care

If you’re a Republican, I don’t care

If you’re a Chiefs fan, fuck you

[Sín @sinfordapesos]

Yall was just naked on Halloween now yall politicians

[Bergie @BergTheBuilder]

I just screamed “THROW THE BALL RETARD” and 3 people at the bar said I can’t say that word. Soft