Janet Kasun

Retired lawyer/accountant currently puttering, cooking and occasionally teaching.

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@dog_rates @TwoPucketts She did a great job training her seeing eye human

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@TimOBrien Guess he didn’t see the “Do not congratulate” card either.

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@peggy_blair @RandChange @Brewski2020 Which will be really fun for parents of teenagers who may have no idea their car has outstanding tickets

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@Not_Mike_Brady @lawrencehurley @NormEisen Just prohibit any payments to Trump related entities to accommodate the secret service agents

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@JakeLahut @thedailybeast Wait until he discovers maple iced donuts with bits of bacon on top. Or is that just a Canadian thing?

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@hilaryluros @TheRickWilson His lawyers should be very grateful for that

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@SRuhle Oh please, Judge Chutkin, call that bluff!

[RC deWinter @RCdeWinter]

How to give your cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom.
Throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill inside end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on neck, leaving head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire brigade to retrieve the fucking cat from tree across
the road. Apologize to the neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for ASPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

1) Wrap it in cheese.

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@dog_rates @thefarmersdog Gotta love advertisements that you’d pay to watch

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

Main purpose of Twitter now is to see tweets from interesting folks and immediately search the name and follow on threads

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@JoshMalina While waiting for the performance to start it’s fun to see who can spot the most “Law and Order” credits

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@kidnappedagain @daddygofish I found a banana split worked. Teens are still kids just more expensive

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@ErinDurant42 One adjusts, roughly on the day you get on the plane to go back east

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@pkirkpatrick @AshleyHomeStore A product intended to assist folks with mobility issues that doesn’t work is a serious safety issue

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@peggy_blair I very much enjoyed the audio version, particularly because Harry did the reading himself.

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@AndrewFischer @tunguz It’s all about the number of bathroom breaks

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@peggy_blair @BrownKnowser To be fair, my son who lives downtown is very happy with videotron. It just didn’t work for me as I live in the country. I particularly had problems when I stopped going downtown when the pandemic started

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@BrownKnowser @peggy_blair It’s been a while for me, the problems may have been between Perth and Westport. I just found that it depended on which “partner” you were connecting with.

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@BrownKnowser @peggy_blair Also data availability was at best sketchy as you head towards Perth.

[Janet Kasun @KasunJanet]

@BrownKnowser @peggy_blair I didn’t figure it out until I got a text saying I was in trouble and had to call them. I then interrogated the guy on the phone for a long time before I figured it out. No one warned me when I bought the plan and gave my address. I’m not sure their reps know about the details