kate

[kate @kate29316461]

I give up. I can’t deal with Adam Sandler’s involvement here. Bye again twitter! Sorry to my literal 6 followers for the past half hour. #EPeoplesChoiceAwards2019

[kate @kate29316461]

Literally nothing about Gwen’s outfit surprises me. #EPeoplesChoiceAwards2019

[kate @kate29316461]

I very much love how FUCKING BAD award show jokes are. I’m not drinking fast enough. Is anyone?! #EPCA

[kate @kate29316461]

There’s a new jumanji?? And the star is wearing a serious business collared mattress

[kate @kate29316461]

Also TONY STARK DIED?! I don’t watch things. #Epca

[kate @kate29316461]

I do like Zendaya. This might be my only truly positive tweet until next year.

[kate @kate29316461]

It’s been 4 minutes and I already wrapped myself in a blanket to ward of the cringe

[kate @kate29316461]

Back on twitter tonight to live tweet this awkward awards show until I’m either wasted or bored.lets hope I start drinking faster!

[kate @kate29316461]

I get panic attacks and can barely think straight and my husband will hold my hand and make me laugh. He also buys me salad anytime he leaves because I goddamn love salad. What a jerk, I can’t wait to get divorced.

[kate @kate29316461]

Heartbreaking that after I finish 10 hours straight of work, I watch Top chefs latest episode with Abe Conlon involved. This is an abusive, terrifying human and on #InternationalWomensDay it’s awful to see him celebrated. GIVE ME ASHLEY CHRISTENSEN, GIVE ME ALEX RAIJ!!! boys bye!

[kate @kate29316461]

#salsleeps

[kate @kate29316461]

Why haven’t I made this a thing yet?
PRESENTING What my fiancé says in his sleep:
“Munich... how you doin?”

[kate @kate29316461]

The other night: “the blonde one” hours later: “you bitch, worst” #salsleeps

[kate @kate29316461]

I showed up 5 hours early for my shift today. So.. can we call it even?

[kate @kate29316461]

Is it wrong that I just saw the video for “Downtown” last night and.. 1. Found out there is a human named Ryan Lewis who does stuff. 2. Thought his kneecaps rivaled Jaws Homoki, bless them both. 3. Thought he was Steven Tyler for most of the video & was quite attracted to him?

[kate @kate29316461]

I need everyone to agree with me that there would be nothing better than a mashup of @MarieKondo and @GordonRamsay. Imagine: “Does this pan bring you joy?”

[kate @kate29316461]

FUCKING YES Jake Phelps yelling at Zion about his “jupiter, Florida shit” and Zion with his “fuck you” and NAILING THIS FIRE RAIL. Florida sucks but we’re also kind of awesome sometimes

[kate @kate29316461]

I think my horoscope just told me I’m dying soon?

[kate @kate29316461]

After being harassed by a 21 year old BOY last night who was trying to physically fight me, I gotta give a shout out to the dude who made me slap his friend and say “FUCK YOU KEVIN” as a running joke between them. Bless.

[kate @kate29316461]

What is the feeling you have when you are a sub in the World Cup but never get subbed in? I imagine “bleak” or “relieved”? Someone help me answer this.