Held my friends baby for the first time and it was funny because he is a month old and he has no idea how much the whole friend group manifested his health well being, happiness etc
I spent 3 weeks without replying to anyone’s texts, missed major social events, pushed my closest friends away and I’m skipping gym, the only thoughts going through my head right now is how much I want to end it all.
Im tired of being sad and anxious all the time. I want to be happy for things that happen to me instead of mopping over everything. I have lost so many good opportunities because I didn’t have the energy to participate, and I feel like I’m pushing people away by isolating myself.
How do I find the energy and courage to change? I’m trying but it feels like every few months I’m back to the starting line. It was going so well. I had weekly projects, exercise, studying, being a little more social. but I’m out of it again.
I don’t know who needs to hear it but saying “told you so” after something bad happens helps no one and has a real risk of you ending up punched in the face