UnKrustable

Martinis🍸and French fries 🍟 please

[UnKrustable @katierust16]

Dying isn't sad, I know Nana is in absolute paradise. The sad part is feeling the void of where she once was, but is no longer.

[lauren @lauren_ingramx]

Me coming to twitter to see if my Facebook has been hacked or if Meta is down 😂

[UnKrustable @katierust16]

@RYOBItoolsusa your design team deserves a raise.

[UnKrustable @katierust16]

I'm starting to think the Mayans were off by 10 years. Things are starting to feel very "end of the world" around here. 🤔

[UnKrustable @katierust16]

@MyNameIsRickyM

[UnKrustable @katierust16]

@HusqvarnaUSA is hands down the best lawn mower/motorcycle/sewing machine brand out there. Got some killer Black Friday deals. 😎

[UnKrustable @katierust16]

I will never understand how people enjoy eggnog. Someone really said, "you know what would make this milk better? Eggs." Like tf is up with that?

[UnKrustable @katierust16]

@loganlynnelucas Devastating. I hope (s)he bought a beautiful new home.

[cowboy dante𐚁 @dantep__]

today is the 21st night of September of the 21st year of the 21st century

[UnKrustable @katierust16]

Yeah, saying the wrong name in bed is bad but have you ever called your partner by your toxic ex's name during an argument? ☠️

[UnKrustable @katierust16]

No officer, I'm not drunk driving. I was swerving because I was blinded by the bag of chips of I was dumping into my face. I'm sorry.

[madimoiselle ♡ @drivingmemadi]

g6 chemical has been found in the covid vaccine. side effects include gettin slizzard

[Monica Lewinsky (she/her) @MonicaLewinsky]

👀

[John O'Callaghan @johnmaine]

Whatever you do, I hope it fulfills you.

[Ricky @MyNameIsRickyM]

The moon do be hitting my eye like a big pizza pie tonight

[UnKrustable @katierust16]

Me: my joints snap crackle pop every time I move
My chiropractor: Oh! So you're easy to manipulate?
Me: well if you look at my dating history... yes. But I'm getting much better at setting boundaries and such.
My chiro: ...
Me: ...

[bears in trees see blue 💙 @bearsintrees]

"are you ok" no my chemical romance returned two years ago and still haven't teased any new music

[Jules Suzdaltsev @jules_su]

Since Trump’s almost out of office, I figured this would be a fun time to remind everyone of the weirdest & dumbest sh*t our failed dictator did in the last four years that we totally forgot about.

Starting with a classic:

STARING DIRECTLY INTO THE SUN DURING A SOLAR ECLIPSE

[Austin Maguire @Austin_Maguire]

Email is so much better when you don’t check it