Kav

#1 fan of your mom’s cooking

[Kav @kavmatthew]

you could not handle even 1% of my freak

[Kav @kavmatthew]

I still have the Twitter app cause I’m scared if I update it to X my iphone 7 will explode

[Kav @kavmatthew]

can you imagine if 1984 was real? everyone with intrusive thoughts just getting vaporized by the Ministry of Love

[Kav @kavmatthew]

shawty is with distinction the way she make me cum laude

[Kav @kavmatthew]

it happened again

[Kav @kavmatthew]

sometimes when I pee it smells like hot buttered popcorn and idk if I should be worried or get a job at the movie theater

[Kav @kavmatthew]

went viral in 2017 and 2020. if this is a pattern, I have no idea what kind of dumb shit I’ll post this year

[Kav @kavmatthew]

@FungusTheProtag my life be like ooo aaa ooo aaa ooooo

[Kav @kavmatthew]

@FungusTheProtag mine is “Houston, we have a problem” 🫥

[Kav @kavmatthew]

@FungusTheProtag you drinkin piss?

[The Telegraph @Telegraph]

Queen Elizabeth II has died

[Kav @kavmatthew]

send ur girl a heart emoji, her tummy might be hurting rn

[Kav @kavmatthew]

hey Siri can you eat wet cement?

[Kav @kavmatthew]

might fuck around and get a vasectomy. the zero bitches I get are already going through enough

[Kav @kavmatthew]

@tiiibaby “I’m not interested”
you:

[Kav @kavmatthew]

just got called the f slur for wearing a cardigan? I guess? never been so confused

[Kav @kavmatthew]

they’re a 10 but they try to get you to eat everyday

[Kav @kavmatthew]

on god I am such a slut for edamame

[Kav @kavmatthew]

just shitted myself, do you think the girl I’m hanging out with will notice?

[Kav @kavmatthew]

@willohw this tweet really has me at my boiling point (212°F)