keeley

I can’t cut a straight line on a piece of paper, but I can cut hair

[Happy Happy Gal @HappyHappyGal]

Dear @Fortnite , open the door before I throw shock rocks at your bedroom window...

[Noam Blum @neontaster]

Why is Perez Hilton trending?

*checks*

OH MY GOOOOOD

[Lij @lijitimate]

The tweet of the year.

“Your son’s favorite color is 5”.

Idk nothing beats that. Not even a Jet2 holiday 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[Cardi B @iamcardib]

I’m letting you know again.. stop playing with my kid btch.. you just mad cuz your son fav color is 5.. GET TF ON YOU CRACKHEAD

[keeley @keeleyrivera]

DYING

[Cardi B @iamcardib]

Girl it’s YOUR SON BIRTHDAY why are you on twitter dedicating essays to me??? For the love of god go to chuckie cheese

[Cardi B @iamcardib]

You said fuck Vulture what??? Bitch fuck that slow ass son that came out your pussy.. you was wishing so much negativity on me while I was pregnant and look at your karma… look what your rotten pussy produced!! Now he a whole 5 year old tippy toeing around the house and can’t spell his name

[Cardi B @iamcardib]

But stop all this talking WHERE YOU AT? You said you was gonna cave my sister chest in… We checking our DMs and ain’t seen it yet!! Everybody up and waiting… DROP THE ADDY RIGHT NOW HO

[Alec Lace @AlecLace]

“I GOT THAT WHITE GIRL!” - Decarlos Brown, after stabbing Ukrainian refugee Iryna Zarutska to death.

She fled war for safety in America—only to be murdered for being WHITE. But media calls it “random”? NOT a hate crime? Wake up! This is the blood on Dem hands.

[stepfanie tyler @stepfanie]

what we do next is very important

[ryan 🤿 @scubaryan_]

old footage resurfaces of Ne-Yo’s baby momma calling him “Diddy Jr.” and saying he is going to get caught for his “Freak Offs” https://t.co/zk1EIeA6l8

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

I knew birds weren’t real

[Wiz Khalifa @wizkhalifa]

If you don’t use your advice for yourself don’t tell nobody else what to do

[Sam Connor @criprights]

Moving on.

Gunna break my heart. But inevitable, in a pandemic.

Time to shut up and nut up.

[David Shoebridge @DavidShoebridge]

We can legalise it!

Legal advice obtained by my office shows that the Greens can pass a bill to legalise cannabis NATIONALLY.
All state legislation criminalising its legal use, possession and sale can be overridden. We could legalise cannabis across the country this year!

[Troy’s Voice @TroyPSimpson]

Are we obliged to respect the religious beliefs of the 7 Manly players who refuse to wear the pride jersey?

[Queen Kunt queenkunt.bsky.social @BecWrong]

Having sexy times in the bath and then a fucking cat paw appears under the door.

[keeley @keeleyrivera]

What a joke 🙄

[alex @jdeppfxnn]

i love ben chew

[Dr Ingrid M🪁 @iMusing]

I just had a date with a bloke who thinks NSW Police do a great job.