Jake B

independent food biz swiss army knife, reluctantly recovering wedding singer

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

College football is almost here!

[Incunabula @incunabula]

The Finnish word "kalsarikänni" means “drinking alone, at home, in your underwear”. The Finnish Tourism Agency has released two emojis for the word.

[Jarvis @jarvis_best]

Been brushing up on the discourse and I’ve decided that every single person is richer than me is a greedy bastard and every single person poorer than me is a loser. I and only I have the exact right amount of money.

[Ole Memes @Ole_Memes]

This guy is on such a generational heater I don’t think prime Michael Jordan could guard him right now

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@ChrisCillizza Unchallenged primary by the only statewide dem who’s been running as a pseudo moderate for elected office since high school and married into a billionaire family so has never done any actual fundraising? That ‘campaign’?

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@vincempls Your map is missing Decorah, Galena, Dubuque and many others…..

No, you know what?

Leave them off.

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@cbone8675309 @michaelrupp1226 @robsand @ZachLahn @scj You know these state level campaigns are like 1-3 months of work, right? I keep seeing this pushed around but you’re all just boasting that you have no idea what you’re talking about?

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@mm81031 @stillnothawkize @NE02Dem He explicitly said dorm. Turns out it was a public area student union desk. Fuck off.

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@HawkeyeWaz @stillnothawkize @ZachLahn You and everybody else who wants him to be your savior better start doing some research and preparing some opposition. He’s going to win because there is no opposition and he has an insane amount of money. But he’s a fake phony piece of shit.

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@HawkeyeWaz @stillnothawkize @ZachLahn Or where did he get his accounting degree? Oh he doesn’t have one? Or any accounting experience? Or what did he do before dating a billionaire family’s daughter? I mean, he’s the State lead accountant surely he must be a CPA right?

You have a lot of work ahead

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@HawkeyeWaz @stillnothawkize @ZachLahn I’m his age and I know a lot of people who know him and you’re fucking dead wrong and you are completely unprepared for what’s about to happen

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@stillnothawkize @NE02Dem They’re all pieces of shit. To be clear. I hate them all. But this endless wailing and gnashing of teeth online about every candidate that isn’t just the perfect approved kind of socialist is so fucking tiresome

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@stillnothawkize @NE02Dem It wasn’t his dorm! That’s a bold faced lie. So now it was a damn public area desk. Who gives a shit about college shenanigans jfc

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@NE02Dem @stillnothawkize That’s it? That’s your big drop? Hahahaha. Ok. And now prepare your comments on all of Rob sands college time (which I have, but I’m not a big fucking pussy and don’t care to share every tiny bit online, but they’ll surely make it out)

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@garonsen Trivial detail? Would you consider that trivial if it was accused about you? Grow up

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@NE02Dem @stillnothawkize Extraordinary Claims require extra extraordinary proof. I’m a student of Iowa and Drake and I’ve never heard a whiff of this. Shut the fuck up.

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

My life is not bad, but I’m just asking was it ever worse than when we all got naked and stripped through the sprinklers freshman orientation on the quad?

[David Burge @iowahawkblog]

I'm not sure Texas Tech is really getting this. Had they just been that scrappy underdog school on the plains with a wacky oil billionaire alumnus who showered them with millions to out-recruit the "blue bloods," I and everybody else would be high-fiving them with glee.

But this Sorsby thing is straight up taking a ginormous shit in the punchbowl. Nobody resents you winning, or paying your team well, it's that you are making excuses for someone who committed the ultimate sin in sports. And no, other teams aren't threatening to boycott you because they're "afraid of you," it's that by taking your giant shit in the punchbowl, you effectively voted yourself off the island.

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@trrumanblacck Now, if we can get every brand new fan from the last five years or less to stop screaming constantly throughout the entire fucking concert like it’s a Taylor Swift Arena show that would be great

[David Burge @iowahawkblog]

This is Noah Shannon, model citizen, slated to be Hawkeye senior defensive captain 2023. He had guilt pangs for having bet $10 on the Iowa Women's Basketball team in the 2023 NCAA tournament. The only bet he ever made. He turned himself in to coaches for the transgression who forwarded it to the NCAA.

They ruled him inelligible for the entire season, effectively ending his career. If the NCAA allows someone else to play after making thousands of bets, including many on his own team, I am going to fucking riot

[Jake B @keepitupguys]

@antonio @ijustplayedfort You say that like it’s a bad thing