Keira Olive

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

If anyone ever wanted to know what it’s like to live with teenaged boys: today I found an entire, week old cheesecake on the floor behind the couch

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

There’s only three things I allow on my tv: Dr.Phil, Gordan Ramsey and Judge Judy

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

I just witnessed 30 people run in front of a moving train only a few feet away because they didn't want to wait 30 secs for it to pass. I was one of those people

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

I had a prof repeat my name to me 6 times cause lookin at me she didnt believe I could possibly be top student in the class. Well I am bitch

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

"If I go to bed right now I'll get an extra 96 seconds of sleep before school"

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

The hardest part about working in an office is having to go to work n' pretend like I didnt just sleep in the Walmart parking lot last night

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

"Aren't you worried about getting jumped?" Nah dude; the only thing I got in my purse is a burger and half a bag of peanut m&ms

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

Life is too hard to be sober

[wint @dril]

SOup is not lunch. Soup is a condiment

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

Sitting at orientation for my new job and my aunt is here for the same reason; this bitch 45 and we got the same job. Stay in school kids

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

The only thing I miss about having a boyfriend is reading my fav books to him over the phone all night

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

*eyes snap open at 3:52am* nobody likes me

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

Walking into work like "Damn you look rough today" like thanks y'all I feel rough too

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

Do you know come many times I've heard "Keira, literally your full boob is out of your shirt" Like at this point it's basically intentional

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

I don't like getting yelled at by people who have less than an eighth of my IQ

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

Life's too short to be with people you aren't in love with

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

10 year old me: who are you
me now: im you but im allowed to say fuck

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

The problem with having mostly guy friends is that all of their moms think I'm their sons girlfriend

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

Everybody has the capacity to be smart; most people are just too lazy

[Keira Olive @KeiraOlive]

@jacknicas you're a fucking piece of shit dude