Keith Johnson

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@SarahKSilverman Spanking?

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@ericweinstein Those yellow stars aren't right...are they?
(Is it different if we say they're golden?)

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@MrGeorgeWallace Bad boys for life!...and whatnot.

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@MrGeorgeWallace @NickCannon @JamesGunn @britneyspears "HI JACK!" (on a plane)

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@MrGeorgeWallace The moment you realize the joke has an unexpected layer in the mix..it's like waking up.

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@ericweinstein "WARNING!: This site may contain images of people you know."
"Angel is the centerfold!?"
"I'm sorry...'You have been blocked'...all questions must be submitted in righting."

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@ConanOBrien I can't wait for the Ginger Lives Matter protestors to assemble. "Long live Red Dirt!" (Pure gold.)

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@Pontifex RAPO + "all good vibes" = puberty blockers?

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@SweetBobby33 @ericweinstein I can really only speak for myself in this matter.

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@shoemakermike @bibbymoynihan @LateNightSeth ...that's not me.

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@Pontifex So, we're gonna dress up as monsters, go out to the woods, cheat on our spouses with the mystery people of the woods, and see if Christ is born again?

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@ambermruffin @nwlc All at once..in one lump sum!?
I'd probably kill 'em.
"all good vibes"

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@LateNightSeth @ambermruffin Amber says, "What is a Neo-Morpheus!?"

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@ericweinstein Ok. What frequencies effect cognition, digestion, the ears nose and throat, the penis, etc...?
(You're asking for it.)
Twenty minutes of torture in training to convince ourselves, "it's nothing really..imperceptible"...imagine if "Occupy Seattle", was allowed to go on for years!

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@LateNightSeth MMMM MMMM good blackberry

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@ericweinstein Vladimir Gavreau, was born Russian.

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@ericweinstein What? They got his dick on remote control or something?

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@ericweinstein Ever since that knifing on the MAX train, I see more and more heroes being called out, only to be cut down. (Hollering at black girls, or calling the cops..same thing.)

[Keith Johnson @keithbjohnson]

@JimBelushi If you're a pothead, the doctors will tell you that cannabis is the source of, and therefore, the solution to, all your problems. That's, "just the way it is"? There's nothing they can do..some things will never change. (I don't believe them...it was a car wreck..they hit me.)