Keith

[Keith @keithfreund]

All are welcome to live in my head rent-free.

Not trying to be some kind of brain landlord

[Keith @keithfreund]

The otter industrial complex made up the hand holding thing to sell you more OTTERS

[Keith @keithfreund]

Just found out private equity is just like regular equity but they're shy 🥺

[Keith @keithfreund]

Crazy to think that half of ladybugs are men

[Keith @keithfreund]

I bet those undersea cables make a satisfying crunch when the sharks bite into them

[Keith @keithfreund]

You can absolutely make this shit up

[Keith @keithfreund]

Legalize having a girlfriend

[Keith @keithfreund]

Beef Orwellian

[Keith @keithfreund]

But hey, look on the dark side

[Keith @keithfreund]

Ironing is great. I love moving wrinkles from one part of a shirt to another

[Keith @keithfreund]

wherefore AREN'T thou Romeo

[Keith @keithfreund]

I always tidy up before the roomba runs so it doesn't judge

[Keith @keithfreund]

@AdamRackis Trail of Bits?

[Keith @keithfreund]

"What it takes to make a happy relationship is two happy people"

Great, now I gotta find TWO girlfriends

[Keith @keithfreund]

@NTFabiano For what it’s worth, note that Saffron studies are generally conducted and funded by the country whose main export is Saffron as noted by @nutrition_facts

[Keith @keithfreund]

Your mantra is the street you grew up on and the name of your first car

[Keith @keithfreund]

My mantra is too good not to share

[Keith @keithfreund]

My Venmo feed is a landfill of people on I went on one (1) date with in 2015

[Keith @keithfreund]

Sharks, I come to you today with what can only be described as a QUANTUM LEAP in cow jumping over the moon technology

[Keith @keithfreund]

"Any liquid damage?" is the "You been drinking tonight?" of the Apple Store

[Keith @keithfreund]

@jzux A friend of mine got married from this app