Keith Pendley

My friends laugh at me, not with me.

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

Kristan: Your back looks bigger.

Me:

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

Me when I see a nerdy guy at the gym wearing a Windows 95 shirt

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

As if things couldn��t be any more different, our kicker didn’t miss once all season and Bama basketball whooped Kentucky.

We are officially in a parallel universe.

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

Me: Babe, I look pretty big after that workout.
Kristan: Yeah, look at that butt!
Me:

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

Everyone: THERE’S A CHANCE IT WILL SNOW!

Me: Them roads better not freeze over.

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

Me walking back into the gym after taking a 3 week hiatus because of school.

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

People are upset that the iron bowl wasn’t a “good game.”

They’re right.

42-13 is an excellent game.

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

@romero Well played.

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

@kbburgess It’s actually multiple people haha

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

Why are skinny dudes always flexing in front of the gym mirrors? If I was that small, I’d be ashamed to flex in front of my bathroom mirror.

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

Me: “Kate, say night night, Sly. Night night, Cooper.”
Kate: “Night night IPad.”

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

I came across this old message and realized how genuine my friendship is with @MBrandonL33

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

My boss raised his hand up while talking to me, so I gave him a high five.

He wasn’t going for a high five. 🤦🏻‍♂️

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

Random girl: Some people judge me because I listen to music like Metallica.
Me:

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

How I feel after hitting a good lift.

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

It’s amazing how IPhones will literally have a melt down as soon as you pay them off; yet, my N64 been running like a champ since ‘98.

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

I forget my headphones and the gym starts playing Nickelback. Needless to say, it’s been a great training session.

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

A spouse giving another spouse money is like throwing a boomerang and acting like you got something new in return.

[Keith Pendley @KeithPendley]

I don’t understand why spouses keep their money separate....
I guess yall added a stipulation in the two becomes one part 🤔