mama kell

🐈

[Pop Base @PopBase]

Jenna Marbles and Julien Solomita are now married.

[mama kell @kellenthemellon]

My existence every single day from the wife’s perspective

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

When I got home from the store, I heard the most intense, agonized screaming.

I thought someone was getting murdered.

It turns out my wife was just brushing the tangles out of my 8-year-old's hair.

I'm still not sure which of them was more traumatized.

[mama kell @kellenthemellon]

Maybe it’s the algorithm but twitter understands my excitement for MCR #mychemicalromance

[mama kell @kellenthemellon]

Had a lovely time getting my hair done today. Neither of us felt the need to make small talk. Having my hair played with while I close me eyes -what dreams are made of.

[mama kell @kellenthemellon]

Shout out to all the grandparents who acknowledge they don’t have a clue about our interests and just gift $100

[mama kell @kellenthemellon]

Everyone pray for me. We’ve heard the Man Cold is bad, I’m about to find out what the Man Covid is like.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

9-year-old: I'm not in the mood.

Me: For what?

9: Anything.

Same.

[mama kell @kellenthemellon]

@DaveandChuck I worked at a nursing home and one of the residents had a hemorrhoid the size of an egg. It was so bad there was a steady stream of blood from it every time she went to the bathroom.

[Ashlea Phenicie @Ashlea_Phenicie]

No, you don’t need straight pride. Faster Horses already exists.

[mama kell @kellenthemellon]

If the rooster could stop crowing at the end of The Handmaid’s Tale and ruining the feel I’d much appreciate it. Just trying to cry here 🥲 #TheHandmaidsTale

[Pu$$y-Cow @PussycowLA]

This is one of my favorite Rothko’s

[mama kell @kellenthemellon]

@Ashlea_Phenicie Last time I was covid tested (can’t go to work with congestion and a cough) I told them I had been vaccinated. The guy said everyone who was tested after being vaccinated came back with negative results. It’s working!

[Texas Wineaux @Friscokid49]

Wineaux Wisdom

[Alicia @AliciaH113]

Why could 25,000 people attend the super bowl but dads still can’t go to their own babies ultra sound?

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

Huge thanks to toy companies for allowing parents to assemble your product ourselves. And huge thanks to hell for accepting me into your warm embrace.

[mama kell @kellenthemellon]

@emilymtaylor10 They have a weird sense and must cause even more pain 😩

[mama kell @kellenthemellon]

Why, when kids are climbing on you or just cuddling with you in general, do their tiny, dagger-like elbows ALWAYS go right for the boob?!

[ford larquaad @rifaatty]

RT if planned parenthood was helpful to you or a friend in some way

[mama kell @kellenthemellon]

@Ashlea_Phenicie We had our offer accepted on a house with an open floor plan AND stairs. I’m scrambling to figure out how to contain the 1 year old 😰