kels | tortured lawyers department

in-house counsel in tech 🤖 | neurospicy 🧠 & hearing impaired 🦻| taylor swift’s biggest fan 🫶 | she/her 🏳️‍🌈

[Sara Spector @Miriam2626]

Hey Ken Paxton :
I am an ex Waco child abuse prosecutor.
And while you are focused on bathroom stalls, I am focused on why you allowed Adam Hoffman sodomize a child and he is still a member in good standing of the Texas Bar.👇

[jezz @JezziiB]

They used to throw women in the water to see if they were witches. If they drowned, they were innocent.
Now they're saying the only abortion exception is if the woman's life is at risk. If she dies, she was at risk.
You can see the recurring flaw in the methodology.

[Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer]

In 1998, I was fired from my corporate job while 9 months pregnant because and I quote, “my priorities would be elsewhere after the baby is born.”

The lawyer I hired told me I didn’t have a case because discrimination like “that” was almost impossible to prove.

So I got pissed.

Took the LSAT. Went to law school. Passed the bar. Had 3 more kids.

Twelve years later, another woman from that same company was fired for the same reason. She sued them for a million dollars, and won, partly because I had kept every piece of evidence from what happened to me years prior demonstrating a systemic pattern of discrimination against women.

That company no longer exists. My law practice is thriving. And that baby they said would derail my priorities? She’s a brilliant attorney now working at my firm.

Turns out my priorities were indeed, elsewhere.

[kels | tortured lawyers department @kelspluscoffee]

@Zbeckers @mavsmarie This dude calls potatoes bland later in the thread which is wild because I’ve never had a taco that contained bland potatoes

[mavsmarie @mavsmarie]

people have no idea about breakfast taco culture in Texas and it’s clearly showing

[kels | tortured lawyers department @kelspluscoffee]

I want my close personal friend @NoahKahan to know that his album has been stuck in my head since its release literally nonstop. Can’t pick a favorite song, they’re all too good. Thank you ILY 🤟

[Zoya🕊️ @Zoya_ki_batein]

In Texas, A 18-year-old girl experienced a miscarriage at around six months pregnant. She visited emergency rooms three times over about 20 hours. On her second visit, she screened positive for sepsis, but doctors discharged her because the fetus still had a heartbeat, saying she was "fine to leave." On the third visit, an OB-GYN insisted on two ultrasounds to "confirm fetal demise" before admitting her to intensive care. She died hours later from sepsis complications. Her mother later said it felt like doctors were more concerned about the fetal heartbeat than her daughter's life.

[Lexi 🏴‍☠️ @GoBlueLexi117]

If you whined and cried about the SB halftime show, I better not see you lifting your fucking margarita while eating a taco today. Fuck you. 😂

[alex @guiltyasinights]

the most pretentious person you know just fell to their knees

[christy ❤️‍🔥 @wordsyouwhisper]

noah kahan 🤝 girls who have never gotten over anything in their whole lives

[Joe Cunningham @JoeCunninghamSC]

If you’re mad about Virginia, support a national gerrymandering ban.

If you’re not willing to take map-drawing away from politicians in every state, you’re not mad about gerrymandering. You’re mad your side lost this round.

[Patrick S. Tomlinson @stealthygeek]

Gerrymandering is undemocratic and evil.

And it's essential the party that has repeatedly tried to ban it keeps doing it until the party that historically abused it gets curb stomped so badly they cry uncle and agree to the ban.

These are not contradictory positions to hold.

[kels | tortured lawyers department @kelspluscoffee]

This once happened to me at a movie theater and I asked my brother (who was at the same theater watching a different movie) to please give me a ride home and he ditched me. Insane that someone’s boss has more compassion than some people’s family or significant others!!!

[ً @prinkasusa]

I started my period unexpectedly at work and bled through onto an office chair. I was mortified because my manager was a man. I told him, bracing for humiliation. You know what he did? He didn’t make me clean the stain while panicking. He quietly got cleaning supplies, took care of the chair, handed me his jacket to tie around my waist, made sure I had pads, and helped me find a change of clothes.

No jokes. No disgust. No scene. He just made sure I was okay.

[del ౨ৎ @delsalcott]

“we could make something really sad” GET IN THE STUDIO NOWWWW

[kels | tortured lawyers department @kelspluscoffee]

@tamr1202 ❤️❤️❤️

[kels | tortured lawyers department @kelspluscoffee]

for the last five nights, my baby has slept 8 straight hours or longer… are we finally through the trenches or am I about to get a bitter dose of reality? stay tuned 🥴😂

[Gina Hinojosa @GinaHinojosaTX]

This guy.

With one hand he distracts by punching down at foreign doctors curing cancer at our state hospitals..

..with the other he gives your tax dollars to his Billionaire tech friends (Musk & Ellison) who are the largest users of H-1Bs.

@GregAbbott_TX is a master of deflection and we all pay the price. That’s the “Greg Abbott Corruption Tax.”

[kels | tortured lawyers department @kelspluscoffee]

@tamr1202 I did! 🥹🥰

[kels | tortured lawyers department @kelspluscoffee]

last night we watched the Artemis II crew splash down safely and then my 4 month old premie slept for 8.5 hours so it was a pretty good night !!!