Kelvin Albatross

High testosterone, low microplastics. Avid minesweeper. Pipe-smoker. Learning to love. Learning to read. 80s baby. John Travolta goon.

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

It’s called the hangge up because when you get there you know immediately that it’s time to hang it up

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

@whatsindos

[will o’brien @Willob]

George Bush Summer

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

Greetings, Aquell.

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

Chipotle was extra salty today. #godbless

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

Yeah I got my 6/6/6 card. 6 feet. 6 inches. And 6 days to live because I got sepsis during my limb and penis lengthening surgeries

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

One wish?

Yes, well. I think I’d like to have a beer with my dog. And, well, also for her to be able to talk. Thank you.

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

Woah woah woah. I hate seed oil as much as the next guy, but don’t you think you’re being a bit drastic?

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

It must’ve been way harder to quit nicotine when reels didn’t exist

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

#tanning in the public storage parking lot.

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

Yes please.

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

Do it long enough and you really do realize there is a certain amount of skill to drinking

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

Playing rain sounds in the shower because my roommate is asleep and would be mad if I played music

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

Maturing is realizing you should have a pack of respectable cigarettes on you whenever you go out, in case you need an excuse to step outside with a girl. But also that cigarettes are unequivocally the worst form of nicotine consumption we have at our disposal

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

Swear to god James Hype playing the brown noise

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

@EasygoingEddyG Never been seen before 🤫

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

Backpack in sports mode so you know I’m #ibithaready

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

Ya I got about a Costco hotdog. But my brother? Yeah. He gotta boutta ruler

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

You should come back to my vrbo

[Kelvin Albatross @kelvinalbatross]

Let’s play whack a mole. I’m the mole.