Kyle Kemper

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

Airports are one of the only places left that you can just fully sprint through and no one will give you a weird look.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

Let’s see HBO have the balls to make a gritty tv series based on Wii Sports.

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

‘THE LAST OF US’ and ‘WII SPORTS’ have been added to the World Video Game Hall of Fame.

(via: https://t.co/cGbjvoxdrw)

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

If anybody ever visits downtown Dayton, my door is always open. Like it genuinely doesn’t lock properly and needs fixed.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

I think I’d be less scared to run into a mugger in a parking garage, rather than those girls who record their singing Tik Toks in parking garages.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

Did the dog write this?

[Daily Loud @DailyLoud]

Dog fatally shoots Kansas hunter in freak accident.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

Your significant other wanting to “soft launch” your relationship on social media is a crazy way to find out they think you’re ugly.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

Holiday drinking game: Every time a family member asks if you’ve watched Yellowstone yet, you have to take a shot.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

I’ve been talking to this really cute girl. She’s an artist. A sandwich artist, but, still.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

I saw a GoFundMe raising money for surgery costs and the goal they were trying to reach was 1.5 Taylor Swift tickets.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

“Well, kids, it’s time to BeReal. Your mother and I are separating.”

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

Damn. The Sun is posting videos on Twitter to remind us that it doesn’t fuck around.

[The Sun @TheSun]

This is how hot the UK is right now 😮 #heatwave

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

The only real human connection that I’ve had this week is when I was eating in my car and locked eyes with someone else eating in their car. Hope he’s doing ok.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

Tonight and tomorrow I’m headlining Wiley’s Comedy Club, and I’m bringing some very funny friends with me! It would mean the world if you could come out to a show. Yeah. You. You specifically.

Tickets at https://t.co/m5vHEuKoiW

(The last pic is my first time at Wiley’s.)

[Nicholas Taylor @nictaylorcomedy]

There’s a new angry birds game where you sling shot them into therapy

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

I’m gonna ask my boss if we can have work outside today.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

I need a bumper sticker that says, “How’s my driving, for someone who is also eating a full Taco Bell meal right now?”.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

I went to a restaurant last night that had a bathroom attendant. Or maybe it didn’t. I’m still not 100% sure.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

I’d be more interested in the Met Gala fashion if the theme was like, “Your Lowest Point During the Pandemic”.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

I just bought a banana from the gas station and the cashier kinda looked at me like he didn’t know they sold them there.

[Kyle Kemper @kemperkyle]

I’ve been doing a lot of speed dating recently. Not on purpose, they usually just leave after about 60 seconds.