Kendra Haberman

everything's too loud.

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

I came here to say - Sargento makes ultra thin cheese slices - just in case you didn’t know - you should try them - they’re somehow better than regular cheese slices

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

#BanDoorbellsInTelevisionCommercials

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

Me: Alexa, play hot dog (the Mickey Mouse song that we request like 100 times a day)

Alexa: ladies and gentlemen, introducing the chocolate starfish and the hot dog flavored water

NOT WHAT I MEANT ALEXA HOW ARE YOU STILL NOT GETTING THIS!

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

Wow I did not miss fantasy football at all

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

Dream outgoing voicemail: for faster response, please email _______
Actually, let’s just make it: this mailbox is full. GOODBYE!

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

@JPotuzko @babetterr Sounds delicious I might give that a try lol

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

One of my least favorite things about quarantine is having to tell people what we’re having for various meals when we inevitably run out of things to talk about - I just want to eat like shit in private again thank you

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

Today I showed Mom how to send a link for a Facebook live mass to Grandma, and she successfully showed Grandma how to open this link through her nursing home window. Just picture the amount of love and patience (and frustration and yelling) that went into this whole process.

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

Is my dog the only dog that doesn’t seem to like us being home during this quarantine? I think she enjoys her me time.

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

Five years later - we just had this same conversation #willheeverlearn #leapyear2020

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

Habs asked me to explain leap years to him this morning

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

@BernieSanders Yes!

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

the pay gap between mothers and non-mothers is larger than the gap between men and women - fathers do not suffer this penalty

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

double stuff oreos cost less than single stuff oreos

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

@JPotuzko Zach doesn’t wake up before 11 you kiddin me? Lol

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

Eatin pancakes with my baby - life is good

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

I took a #MentalHealthDay today and you should too!

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

Oh nevermind that’s an urban legend (thank you google) and also thank you to whoever told me that originally because I believed it until I was 29 years old apparently 😳

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

Has anyone ever awoken and chomped down on spider legs? I haven’t but if we’re all eating 7 spiders every year in our sleep or whatever (stupid) - shouldn’t that be happening all the time to everyone always?

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

My toddler just fully rolled her eyes - is this a medical emergency or early onset attitude? I can’t decide #hopeshefine #ilaughed #inappropriateresponse

[Kendra Haberman @kendrafed]

There are no toxic people, only toxic relationships