Kenneth Jacobson

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

we put a man on the moon but we cant keep him there. he keeps coming back. you stay on the moon. you stay there.

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

Colorado native Jim Bishop spent over 40 years building a castle. including 250 foot towers

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

They should rename eye drops to cheek drops so I don't feel bad every time I miss.

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

A $370 million company collects celebrity saliva from restaurants' dishes to sell to the highest bidder

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

I'm off work next week so I'm gonna throw this knife at a map. where it lands I go.

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

The best way to tell if a movie character is depressed is if there are a bunch of open chinese food containers sitting around

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

I think it's so brave that Rosie O' Donnell is openly fat

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

'Once we come down off this wall we'll be on the lam. That means we're fugitives. laying low. on the run...'

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

They say genius skips a generation.In our case it fell off our family tree and died.

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

Hillary Caught Red Handed Spying On #DonaldTrump https://t.co/llhXoWZGDi #maga

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

there should be a salad bar but with different types of cookies

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

Moratorium on the word Awkward. Were all awkward. We fart when we dont want to and that guy/gal over there is cooler. Get over it.

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

My most redeeming quality is the fact that I return bottles for cash.

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

A Google Doc of friends' employment status so everyone knows who can chill whenever.

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

#ANTIFA Planning a “Civil War” to Overthrow the US Government https://t.co/0KzBnNVVOt

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

If you're happy and you know it. keep it to yourself. I can't stand the sound of clapping.

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

If I played Edward Scissor Hands in paper. rock. scissors every once in a while Id throw a paper in there so he wouldnt feel too bad.

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

We haven't spent a dime for snake food since I discovered all the free pets on craigslist.

[Kenneth Jacobson @kennethjacobso6]

Ireland has now legalized ecstasy. meth. and mushrooms due to an unexpected legal loophole.