Kenny West

Official Twitter account of Kenny Westside Story... I'm not cool enough to have a verified check. Musician and tall tales teller...

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

Feldor was ready to rescue Upton Fink, return to The Retired Dragons Club, and catch up on all his favorite @tumblr blogs. "Okay, Mr. Bearded Dragon, you never explained why @EmmaWatson did NOT adopt you in the pet store that day... Finish your story!"

https://t.co/kfRCcyvVKz

[tumblr @tumblr]

🚨QUICK 🚨
DROP YOUR TUMBLR URL WHILE THERES STILL TIME
🔽🔽🔽

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"Mmmmm... Crickets!" The bearded dragon salivated. "A delightful snack."
Feldor reached his claw out. "That's funny..." He tugged on the fake beard, "Dragons don't eat crickets."
"Feldor, we talked about this." Esther said politely.
Glances were exchanged. Crickets chirped.

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"@taylorswift13 writing songs that predict the future isn't realistic..." Dragon Wends shook her head in dragon disagreement. "Let's talk about this tiny game of cricket happening under a refrigerator!"
Feldor chortled. "Yes, that's WAY more realistic!"

https://t.co/wRQ5oPjeIU

[deactivated @park24hrs]

Cricket under my refrigerator… so that’s how my nights going

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

“…anyway, let’s talk about something else!” The dragon that looks like Kristen Wiig continued, changing the subject. “Like, what if @taylorswift13 could write songs about a future where @elonmusk accidentally builds a machine that destroys the world?!?!”
https://t.co/51rjdXjUEP

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"You said 'Yes!' to Esther's question." Feldor pointed at Wiigs "...yes you ARE Kristen Wiig in a dragon costume?"
"No! I'm a dragon... that looks like Kristen Wiig."
"I see, but you think it's @EmmaWatson in that photo?"
"No! I meant it was her in the pet store that day..."

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"I'm going to settle this because the bearded dragon NEEDS to tell his story!" Esther's patience was wearing thin. "Wiigs, you're SURE you're a dragon that looks like @kristenwiigorg and not just Kristen in a dragon costume?"
"Yes! Oh... so... maybe it really was @EmmaWatson."

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"Wends, go back!" Wiigs pointed at @RobertsEmma on the phone. "The previous photos of the cute dogs!"
"This one?" Wends swiped back. "Wiigs, it's the same dog."
"You're SURE it's the same dog and not just two dogs that look like each other?"
"Yes!"

https://t.co/KhSIjOjCGf

[Sasha Spielberg @sashaspielberg]

It’s the same dog https://t.co/Qy2ml0nH5D

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

He's got those smooth smooth #PeteDavidson moves... Am I right @KimKardashian and @nbcsnl?!?! #ThosePeteDavidsonMoves #SmoothSmoothMoves #KimKardashian #SNL #TinySong #Saturdaynight

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"Here, I found a photo!" Wends held up her phone, "Was THIS her?"
The bearded dragon inspected the photo, "No, she was NOT this cute."
"He already said it was #EmmaWatson." Feldor added.
"Well we have to be sure not to mix up our Emmas like @hbomax did!"

https://t.co/Qq3cdxVoiF

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"Can I play the guessing game too?!?!"
Dragons Wiigs and Dragon Wends thought for a moment then Wends replied, "Okay Puff. Who do YOU think it REALLY was?"
"I think it was @RobertsEmma and not @EmmaWatson!" Puff said confidently.
#EmmaRoberts?" Wiigs nodded. "I could see that."

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"@laurenevemay? Maybe... Or it was @AnnaKendrick47!" Wiigs sipped her Dragon Claw hard seltzer. "Wait, how is @EmmaWatson's cell phone magic?"
Wends smiled, "The battery magically dies when she doesn't want to answer calls, respond to texts, or check emails."
"That IS magic!"

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"Enough of your dragonsplaining, Feldor--back to playing 'Guess Who?'." Wends turned to the bearded dragon. "Was @EmmaWatson carrying a wand or cell phone in the pet store that day?"
"Phone." He replied.
"Wasn't Hermione then... but maybe it was @laurenevemay from @CHVRCHES?"

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"Listen, Feldor, Wiigs and I showed up to Upton's party to drink and instead it was crashed by Commander Salamander's robot dragon using Trogdor's stolen Burninator. If we're going to save dragon magic, it's like the Trump presidency, the only way to get through it is to drink!"

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"I have a magic beard!"
"And it's very lovely."
"Ooo, Wends! His beard is glowing again! Quick, Feldor top us off!"
"Wiigs, Wends, perhaps you ladies need to be cut off."
"Feldor, you know what else could be cut off?"
"Easy now... Two Dragon Claw hard seltzers coming right up!"

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"Maybe it was Hermione Granger... They're practically twins." Wends continued.
"Wends! I bet it was!" Wiigs yelled out boisterously.
"And you know how you tell the difference?"
"How?" Wiigs replied.
"Hermione carries a magic wand and @EmmaWatson carries a magic cell phone!"

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"As I was saying--" The bearded dragon continued, "@EmmaWatson was going to adopt me--"
"Where was this?" Wiigs asked incredulously.
"At a pet store." He replied.
"You're SURE it was @EmmaWatson and not just someone who looks like her?" Wends asked, also incredulously.
"Yes!"

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"Go ahead explain everything." Esther said to the bearded dragon.
"See, when I was a young beardless dragon--"
"Here we go." Feldor rolled his eyes.
"@EmmaWatson was going to adopt me--"
"No she wasn't." Puff crossed his arms.
"SHHH! Let him tell the story!" Esther commanded.

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"Rashida Jones and the Pet Squirrels." A tiny song inspired by a tiny squirrel painted by @sashaspielberg (https://t.co/ygyTABnwD7). Is the squirrel a pet? Maybe it is... maybe it is...

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

Esther Fink and her favorite dragon, Feldor, exit the sidebar to join the other dragons and the bearded dragon who thinks he's a real dragon but isn't and has imposter syndrome about it and is also wearing a fake beard that, when complimented, gives those around him magic powers.

[Kenny West @kennethwest]

"That's true, and while HE cannot hear you, I can. Even though you're my favorite dragon, he's my second favorite."
"But he's not a... fine, he's a dragon, happy? Now what's the other thing?"
"Let's get out of this sidebar and I'll let him tell you and everyone else about it."