Ken Clay

My body is a wonderland. As in, I wonder where it all went wrong.

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

@JennyJohnsonHi5 Michael J Fox is probably just shaking his head at your posts.

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

When I say that something was fun, that means that it wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be.

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

I’ve always been more of a Carlton guy. After all he is the real prince of the house.
@chrisrock

[George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace]

Will Smith is lucky his momma wasn't there tonight. She would've kicked his ass for acting like that.

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

@DearAuntAbby Call me.

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

My dad died and it’s weird to think that over the years to come Facebook will remind me that my most favorited post of that year will be that my dad died.

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

“Couldn’t have said it better myself” - yeah...you’re an idiot. That’s only complimentary when coming from a smart person

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

69ing is a young persons game.
It’s like…”Do you think this looks bad? Look under here”

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

Now would be a perfect time for you butterfaces out there to find a significant other.

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

@kaL12578 “Entry of the Gladiators”

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

If a dude who pays $15M annually in taxes wants a handjob...who are we to argue?

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

Hey guys who sit on the same side of a booth with their girl when it’s only the two of you, stop being a smothering creep. Hey girls who prefer it, stop being so needy.

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

Regarding this whole straw situation...I love that our government works small to big. No wonder we’re fucking failing!!!

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

Technically we're all "Pre-Op"

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

They say that over time, couples start to look alike. I hope that's not true. Although I have noticed my tits are getting huge!

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

@adamcarolla Ace Man nails it again!

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

Do you think that when Cedric The Entertainers mom named him, she thought he’d be doing diabetic nerve pain commercials?

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

Playing a game on the couch with my wife that I call “Battle Farts”, I’m clearly winning as she has only been playing defense.

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

Was shaking parmigiana cheese on my pizza today and felt my love handles jiggling. Thought, this might be a 2018 thing to work on. Then the pizza was so good that I decided.. FUCK THAT!

[Ken Clay @kenwhacksit]

Pasta is just a way to transport sauce to your mouth without looking like a total creep. #2018postsaregonnabeawesome