kerry

[Joey- Cade Smith enjoyer @GuardsJoey]

Could this day get any worse

[Allie ✞ @allie__voss]

Just heard a heartbreaking cry from my golden retriever, thought he was seriously hurt or something

Nope, I had just left the vacuum out and he was too afraid to walk past it and was "stuck" in the kitchen

[Maira @maira4yo]

there’s only 3 types of people who are never wrong:

– Women
– Oldest daughters
– Firstborn granddaughters

[︎ًLevi @WittyLevi]

“It’s been a long-ass week”

— me, in the middle of Monday

[Chad Lowe @jpottingaround]

You won’t find a better tweet out there today.

[regina george @meanlore]

that prenup is about to be longer than any book travis kelce has ever read

[stone cold steve exhausted @blvckcement]

I know Deshaun Watson was nervous as shit lmaooo

[🥇 @thankyouparlay]

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers

[Doc  @DocAtCDI]

ICE officers stopped by our farm yesterday.

“We need to inspect your property for illegal aliens,” one of them said.

I replied, “Alright, but whatever you do, don’t go into that field over there.”

The officer in charge exploded.

“Mister, I have the authority of the federal government behind me!” he barked, reaching into his back pocket. He yanked out a badge and shoved it in my face.

“See this fucking badge? This badge means I can go wherever I want on ANY land. No questions asked, no answers given. Am I clear? Do you understand?”

I nodded politely and said, “Be my guest.”

Then I went back to my chores.

About ten minutes later, I heard screaming. I looked up and saw six ICE agents running for their lives, being chased by my big, mean, old bull. And with every step, that bull was closing in. Fast.

It looked like they were about to get gored for sure.

So I dropped my tools, ran over to the fence, and shouted at the top of my lungs:

“YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR FUCKING BADGE!”

[John Ashworth @CoachAshworth]

If Caruso or Dort ever had to guard SGA and played defense the way they do they’d foul out in the first quarter

[Yves ౨ৎ @yvessirae]

spent my skinny years thinking i was fat… now i’m actually fat and pissed about it

[Hater Report @HaterReport]

Nah man with this sh*t so ACCURATE lmao

“Tyrese Haliburton plays like Steve Urkel when he was dominating that episode of Family Matters”

😭😭😭

[sam greisman @SAMGREIS]

Ok the biggest recession indicator of them all!!!

[McNeil @REFLOG18]

Andrew Berry calling Joe Flacco

[Mike Anguilano @anguilanom22]

No comments needed.

[Scoops @ejmaroun]

The Cavs are simultaneously playing their worst basketball of the season while in the midst of a 13 game winning streak.

[Pardon My Take @PardonMyTake]

“Get the fuck out of here”

They did not get the fuck out of there

[McNeil @REFLOG18]

Final: Cavs 123 Celtics 116 @jaytatum0

[Jasmyn @JasmynBeKnowing]

Me every single day of 2025 so far