prettyinink

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

If someone's job requires an appreciation week it means they're not getting paid enough

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

Blood is thicker than oatmilk

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

If no one's coming to save you, no one's probably coming to stop you either

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

Did it jiggle when you fell from heaven?

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, you can’t achieve self actualisation on an empty stomach

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term "one hit wonder" came up with any other phrases?

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

Biologists have crossed a watermelon with a cauliflower. People who eat it experience a sadness called meloncauli.

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

Is the "rich auntie" really rich, or does she just not have kids?

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

We are living in increasingly unfergalicious times

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

Send skittles and Chardonnay

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

Because if Stevie wasn't blind, would he even wonder?

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

Since light travels faster than sound, people may appear bright until you hear them speak - PC

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

You seem committed to keeping your iq at room temp

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

It's my way, or the M25.

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

You may never be as wise as an owl... But you'll always be a hoot to me

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

When we don't understand someone, we fill it in with what we know about ourselves

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

The best jokes are the ones that get you in trouble

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

This is a molehill I'm willing to die on

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

Mormon missionaries are the catholic school girls of gay porn

[prettyinink @kevinalden1]

Did it hurt? When I told you to Google it and I was right?