Kevin Howard

Director of Health, camper, ivory tickler, and I enjoy riding my skateboard in a hazmat suit. #kevops

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

Whenever I see a food stain on my shirt or pants, bet your bottom dollar it’ll be beans.

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

So, I’ve been using a bidet now for a little over a week. The first few days I called it the “enema of the state.” Now, after eating copious amounts of chili three days in a row, I have since renamed it the “frenema of the state.” The thing is a godsend.

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

@raychelyearsley @focra Confirmed. Richard Girl grew up with John Oates outside Philly. “One on One” was written when Richard challenged John to a game of one on one. “I Can’t Go for That” was also birthed out of this game when Richard stole the ball from John. John screamed, “You’re Out of Touch!”

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

Last nights dream could only be titled “Bean Dip Soirée”.

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

If we all make it to Halloween, Felix is going to dress up as Joe Exotic, Becki will be Carole Baskins, The dogs will wear tiger outfits, and I’m going to follow them around the neighborhood playing Joe’s hit song, “Here Kitty Kitty” while dressed as Travis, Joe’s second husband.

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

I feel like the people saying, “faith over fear” should maybe change it to, “common sense in Christ”, or, “Hey, let’s make our town seem like a Holy
Ghost-town” or something like that.

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

@inscroggnito @LivPosting This is me when @rebecki has been out of town for more than three days and my entire diet consists of BBQ pringles and bottom shelf bourbon.

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

There are a couple of things that I’ve been meaning to discuss with my therapist and they are as follows: 1) why do I have a visceral hatred towards crepe myrtles and 2) how does my enneagram number coincide with Phyllis being my favorite character from The Office?

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

Anytime I’m feeling slightly over confident in life, I get knocked down real quick when I eat a snack and it just falls out of my mouth mid chew. I stare at my chest and just smdh. #iseeyoucliffbar

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

Instead of teaching kids to pass the STAAR test or whatever I wish they would teach the proper way to navigate a flashing red light because I’m screaming like George Costanza over here. #ITWASMYTURN

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

I remember this time I was hired to play jazz piano for a corporate event and this guy came up and asked me if I could play the Rach 3. I said “Sure, right after I finish this Norah Jones tune.” Then I proceeded to play my 4th variation of Fly Me to the Moon. #jazzhands

[rebecki @rebecki]

NOT TODAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! #gotGOT

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

@megasheppy It’s on my bucket list of things to never do. It’s the equivalent of being baptized in Chick-fil-A’s Polynesian sauce while a Chris Tomlin-scented candle burns in the background.

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

The pH of gas station coffee hovers around a 1.0 and yet I can’t drink enough of it on a road trip.

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

I’ve finally hit that sweet spot in life where I make an involuntary grunting noise when I get in and out of a car.

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

@itsgoodgood But don’t waste the good pasture raised no hormone certified organic no GMO eggs on them, use the grade B eggs from Piggly Wiggly. They’re basically $1 a dozen with a high probability of containing Salmonella Enteritidis.

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

@js_tut Your book on CSS was just delivered today and my son was already learning about margins and padding. 😂 Can’t wait to dive into your JS tutorial. Thank you so much for all of the time you put into this.

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

I found myself singing in the tune of the Five Stairsteps “Ooh Child” while running over flexbox vs grid: “ooh nth child, you make layout so much easier, ooh nth child my layout’ll be tighter.”

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

@SJRaphael We dressed our son as you for Halloween last year. We told him that you were a good person who really connected with her audience. He didn’t really understand it because he was two, but he was the bell of the (halloween) ball.

[Kevin Howard @kevintist]

Nothing ruins a gourmet lunch at Panda Express faster than hearing the Lumineers “Ho Hey” over the speakers while someone watches Jane the Virgin on their Galaxy S7 at full volume 2ft away. #galaxyskevin