johnny segment

you better run like the devil cuz they’re never gonna leave you alone

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

@ptcrUIsErUsA It’s honestly heartbreaking because I really like Tracy Chapman lol

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

Every time I listen to Tracy Chapman I’m reminded that the most annoying person I’ve ever met in my life is who introduced me to them

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

This is hilarious to read because apparently Knoxville was backstage stun gunning this man LMAO

[McSmurray @McSmurray]

@TugboyFresh He got Big Leagued by Knoxville too hard and had to confront the limitations of his provocation. It must have been like a kitten meeting a lion and hearing a true roar. Now all that remains is the mirror.

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

Oh this one is actually fun

[Benjamin Domenech @bdomenech]

My choice:

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

????????????????????????

[tiago 🐈 @tiagozip_]

i made a map of everyone on twitter!
yes you're on there too ^w^

every account is placed next to the people they talk to, so you can find out where you are, which cluster claimed you, and exactly who you're stuck next to

https://t.co/vTCg4INLNa

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

Playing sad sack characters is really getting to him :( Please get some self esteem bro :(

[Cartoon Base @TheCartoonBase]

Bobby Moynihan says he worked on ‘HOPPERS’ for four years and did not feel safe until the end.

“[I] never thought I was safe. Two weeks before release, I literally called Daniel and was like, ‘If you recast this, I won’t hate you. I understand.’”

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

Told a lady working in my building that I speak & understand Russian & she said До свидания when leaving which leads me to believe she thinks I’m lying OR she doesn’t speak it herself because why not say Пока? What are you exiting a job interview? We’re standing in the hallway.

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

Walking around the neighborhood with the kids and a man’s dog squats to take a shit and he says with SUCH disdain in his tone, “What, again?!”

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

Man. What a story LMAO

[🦫🇺🇾 @doubtpointv2]

For anyone interested: https://t.co/3x8Z50GZRi

Although I misremembered the creampie part.

[USFBULLS69 @usfbulls69]

“AI is gonna take your job”

I’d like to see AI mix a shitty batch of concrete and tell the apprentice to secretly bury it in the homeowner’s garden

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

@tickled_joker That question makes me so mad because it’s a fucking button

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

He’s a CHILD!!!!

[Ricky Hollywood @victim_burn77]

Imagine you try to return ET home and find our he’s like his species most notorious pedophile

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

I started watching that medical comedy St. Denis but I had to turn it off cuz it’s just a long advertisement for the Reese’s Nutrageous bar

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

I feel completely sound in body and mind when I say that the government is actively trying to shovel children into the childcare system so they can ********* them to make them all **** *** ********. *** ****** ****** ** ******* *** ******** ** ******** ****.

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

Listening to Note To Self by From First to Last for the first time since I was maybe…. 12….????? Dawg this shit sucks I get why skrillex changed his shit up

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

Not to be That Parent but holy shit my 18 month old is so smart. I’m not even giving examples. Fuck y’all. But holy shit this kid is smart. I thought the three year old was smart. Good god

[jesse pinkman of drugtwt @breakingbenzos]

I have been frantically searching for this video for an hour

[johnny segment @keysmashdotcom]

It’s actually fucked up and gross somehow and I think it’s because of the Mormon undertones

[morgan (vermont) @vermont_morgan]

so the "dirty soda" trend is just soda and whipped cream? Yeah I mean sugar does taste good I guess