wre

[wre @keystoneiced]

deleting shazam because I already know every song past present & future

[wre @keystoneiced]

“and then for the third one let’s just say that paper covers rock or something. i literally don’t care”

[wre @keystoneiced]

human beings are not designed to stay awake after lunch

[wre @keystoneiced]

we take it for granted that criminals wipe down surfaces that they touched, but imagine being the first guy who got convicted on fingerprint evidence. dude must’ve been so bummed

[wre @keystoneiced]

Fellas wyd if your gf gatekeeps empathy?

[wre @keystoneiced]

@discount_doobie Shoulda read the fine print

[wre @keystoneiced]

volunteering for the first flight to mars bc it’s the farthest I can be from miami

[greg @greg16676935420]

If Bitcoin breaks through $45,000 and keeps going up, it could be heading towards $46,000 next

[wre @keystoneiced]

Wait, I’m supposed to say this on Jan 1?

[wre @keystoneiced]

I haven’t showered since last year!

[rach @rach4_thestarz]

I GOT ENRAGED!!!!! 💍

[wre @keystoneiced]

Your honor it’s called 2 for flinching, and by avoiding the first assault the plaintiff consented to the following two counts of battery. Move for summary judgement.

[wre @keystoneiced]

Undergrad: Due tmrw? Do tmrw

Law school: Due tmrw? You should have DOne it 6 months ago

[wre @keystoneiced]

Unmatched in between screenshotting this and typing the tweet🤷‍♂️

[wre @keystoneiced]

If you’re in your 20s and still under 5’8 then what are you even doing? Grow up already

[wre @keystoneiced]

People whose emotions are dictated by whether or not a group of dudes can throw a ball through a hoop are ridiculous

[wre @keystoneiced]

Reverb:music::garlic:cooking

It’s good in almost everything and you should probably add three times as much as the recipe calls for

[wre @keystoneiced]

This kid literally said “bro, I was just like dude”😐🔫

[wre @keystoneiced]

If one more person from California talks to me about California I’m gonna die