kfleminem

He/Him/His. Musician. Writer. Magician. I have a lot of interests and no time to pursue them.

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

Today, on my Golden 31st Birthday, I went in and got the first of two COVID vaccine shots (Moderna flavor).

My only wish for my birthday is for all of you to get vaccinated, wear a mask, wash your hands, and stay home.

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

will someone push him down the fucking stairs already god damn

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

Guess who forgot to take his meds the last couple of days and how he's screaming "who fucking cares" into the void at every minor inconvenience!

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

Here's hoping he **** ** *** ***** *******

[Ken Klippenstein @kenklippenstein]

Mitch McConnell inexplicably freezes during press conference, is quickly escorted away

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

Elon you big dumb fucking idiot

(Feel free to RT this any time Elon does anything because he's a big dumb fucking idiot and deserves it)

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

me as a disciple

jesus: this bread is my body

me: say sike right now

jesus: this wine is my blood

me: SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

What's the prediction for me finally falling asleep tonight? It was close to 2am last night.

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

I lied, I'll post the ending, if only because yoda's final line here is delectable.

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

Can't sleep so I'm having chatgpt write poems on silly topics in the style of other poets and guess what? It doesn't know how. It just writes poems then sticks in the name of the poet I asked it to emulate.

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

I won't post the response because it is terrible and not funny, but if a real person could do this I would be forever grateful

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

While everyone's asleep: what's it called when you enjoy being referred to as a woman but don't actually want to *be* a woman?

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

Too restless to go to bed, too tired to read, too "my daughter is asleep in the next room and I'm the only caregiver around" to go anywhere.

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

Trump: *indicted*

DeSantis: "The illegitimate Biden Administration has gone rouge."

Other Repubs: "Biden is setting a terrible precedent with these actions."

Christie: "Fuck Donald Trump (1/563)

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

I love watching craft and woodworking videos, not because I enjoy crafting or woodworking, but more because I'm a sucker for a satisfying time lapse.

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

I'm so bored. There's nothing to do in my apartment except read books, practice magic tricks, play piano, practice mandolin, keep up my Duolingo streak, write music, watch a movie or TV show from Netflix/Hulu/Disney+, listen to podcasts, take a walk, go to the gym, vacuum, organi

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

Cost isn't just about money. It's about time and resources, too. And now I have more time in my day to complete other tasks without interruption (like tweet about laundry)

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

I just spent ~$30 at the laundromat doing laundry instead of at the laundry room at my apartment. The same number of loads there would have cost $10.50.

Time wise, though, doing all of that laundry at the apartment would have taken over 3.5 hours. Here, one hour to wash/dry/fold

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

"Tell Grandma I'm coming"

[kfleminem @kfleminem]

So many cunts popping up on my timeline lately.

Disabled folks serving cunt, queer people serving cunt, Twitter Blue subscribers, old people serving cunt.

What a time to be alive.