Matt Duggan

Kill the masters

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

Olivia Deaf be like “sign to me….sign to me”

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

My father was Mobius Richard, please, call me Moby Dick

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

@PardonMyTake Christians

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

@mirandareinert Why don’t you like the story so far?

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

Why does everyone cheer for hagrid at the end of chamber of secrets? Remind me what he did again…

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

Good tidings we bring, other than the fact that if you don’t bring us figgy pudding, we will riot

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

The angel gabriel at therapy: I just feel like no one harks when I’m speaking

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

It’s always “……………….” and never “bless you”

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

@sadbandboys Did knuckle puck cover transit’s please head north? That’s sick

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

It was Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering, and they were blazing that shit up every day

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

It’s law that you’re allowed to hop the turnstile if you have insufficient fare on your card and your train is arriving

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

Good afternoon to everyone except the sackville baggins

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

@intoitoverit The world is a beautiful place and I am no longer afraid to steal this van

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

If I had to choose between imagine dragons tickets and a bullet to the brain, I would take the tickets but I would resell them

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

Bitches think they’re all that while their wordle guess distribution is all 5’s and 6’s

[Rajat Suresh @rajat_suresh]

why does spotify talk like this?

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

Swifties are basically the girl version of Rick and morty fans

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

I don’t think Travis Scott is at fault. That type of hyped up environment that he created at his shows is part of what made his career. He had no reason to dial it back until now

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Jared Fogle Allowed Conjugal Visit With Footlong Chicken Bacon Ranch Melt https://t.co/AA2ifu76H2

[Matt Duggan @khalduggan]

I was on hold with Bank of America. I entered my phone number so they could call me back when someone was free. They called back only to put me on hold again