kiki dee

slut for chicken strips

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

happy man hating monday

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

I’m not soft
I’m more like a 66° egg

[Postmaster Sweeney @titusphuq]

Corn dogs are a sandwich

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

I would let Max Greenfield ruin my life so fast it’s not even funny

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

Me to my therapist yesterday: I have the hottest goss for you today

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

Please don’t get too excited by my excitement, I’m always at this level of pep. It’s an occupation hazard of being an optimist

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

Just saw a cop car with a headlight out, on my way to make my first citizens arrest

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

Getting the ick for a man because he’s not paying enough attention to me when I actively ignore him 98% of the time

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

I like when you’re getting a pedicure and they put your feet in the little plastic deli bags with the wax. Like yes, wrap those ham candles up 💅🏼

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

One thing about me, no matter how many times you leave a group chat, I will always add you back.

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

@titusphuq Nugget

[beer.sponge @scrotus_minimus]

Instead of just kicking you out bars should have penalty boxes

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

“Can you please take your durag off”
-Things I never thought I’d have to say to a man

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

Short kings deserve love too. Not from me but from someone

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

It’s so hard to be the funniest person in my office but it’s the cross I bear

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

Sue me but I think bathrooms should be carpeted. Hate when my little feets are cold in the morning

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

Spent all of last night walking around with a fanny pack full of cheez-itz and shoving them in peoples mouths saying “body of Christ”

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

@titusphuq @iFightPlug Iconic

[kiki dee @kianawithay]

Every Saturday I open my eyes slowly waiting for the hangover to hit, it doesn’t. I do not deserve to feel this good, but I do. So I shake hands with my drunk self from the night before and giggle about how my body is a temple