Emily Kidd

[Emily Kidd @kiddecat9]

My dad bought me new tires. I guess he thinks 4 Goodyears makes up for 18 bad ones.

[Vinny Thomas @vinn_ayy]

I’ll be honest with you I’m not going to vote for a presidential candidate if I don’t think they could survive being on a trampoline

[Rod @justme_rod]

I just know he was told not to drop that dogs and cats hoopla

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

watching the debate as a form of self harm

[Emily Kidd @kiddecat9]

*putting on postal uniform*
I know a dog HATE to see me coming.

[helena riley @freshhel]

The unfortunate trade off for modern women.. you have to get 9 abortions in order to find denim shorts that fit really good

[zach reinert @zachreinert0]

My evangelical cousin thinks a group of crows is called an abortion

[Austin @adoptedhighway]

showing a photo of a healthy guy to my doctor like i’d show the barber a picture of a haircut

[zach reinert @zachreinert0]

Find a decent bagel. Try that in a small town

[Emily Kidd @kiddecat9]

Pretending this warm cheese + room temp chip is a cold nacho to make it less disgusting. Follow for more mindset shifts.

[Nicole Byer aka peppa pig slut @nicolebyer]

What a fun way to phrase this

[summer anne burton @summeranne]

Re: Jonah Hill’s gross texts: my therapist honestly changed my life when he stopped me from saying someone was “violating my boundaries” and explained that boundaries are values you impose on yourself and your own behavior, not rules you can enforce on other people.

[Emily Kidd @kiddecat9]

“Stay sitting in a chair and leave me alone,” a memoir, by Cari Kidd (my mom).

[Emily Kidd @kiddecat9]

The bra now comes off in the parking lot after work.

[Maggie Maye by day, Trilly Wonka by later that day @Maggiemayehaha]

The Titanic is undefeated in killing the wealthy at sea.

[Vinny Thomas @vinn_ayy]

Mind you, it took 73 years just to find the actual Titanic

[zach reinert @zachreinert0]

Mass graves are depressing as hell. Having roommates even when you’re dead?!

[Marcella Arguello @marcellacomedy]

Love hearing why you cant come to my shows. Really always enjoy hearing it.

[Sam Morril @sammorril]

So now the accounts who have a blue check mark on here are the same people who bought a class ring

[Aaron Isaacs @ronmagicjohnson]

people shouldn't have to be signed to the dodgers to get health care in this country