New cake purchase policy:
every cake request begins with "I'm gay, and I need a marriage cake." Wait for response, and if they're accommodating, then you can say, "Actually, I need a birthday cake for my son, I just wanted to make sure you weren't a piece of shit."
A German tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my precious little dog who was drowning, after he climbed out he handed me the dog and said “here is ze dog keep him warm and dry him off he vill be fine” I said “are you a vet?” He replied “vet?.. I’m fucking soaking”
I hate this world. I hope you heal fast and are never ever again encountered with this sort of behavior, but sadly I know that is probably unrealistic. https://t.co/gHgsy1Xnr9
Person: hey wanna hang out today?
Me: *procrastinates answering because I can’t decide if I actually want to socialize or if I’ll have the mental energy or if feel like leaving my house and cancelling my plans of doing nothing*
*five days later*
Me: sorry I can’t lol