Matt Dekker

Ratchet and Cranky

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

Kanye really just put a rapist on a gospel album. I didn't know he was catholic

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

Darkness enshrouds all
Why is there a red Tesla?
I don't want to die

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

Some quirky space haikus inspired by the Eloquence of Elon Musk (1/3)

Please deliver us
That sweet alien pussy
Elon, our one hope

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

A large turd floats out
The filthy broken toilet,
Caresses my face

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

If you knew me 5 minutes ago you don't know me now

[m@thew @TweetPotato314]

me: hi my name is matt and i’m an alcoholic

AAA: sir this is triple A

me: i know i’m explaining why my car’s in the lake

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

Democrats: wants Biden to win
Republicans: wants Trump to win
Me: wants to turn America into a monarchy and make Dolly Parton the queen

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

Last night my mum walked in on me staring angrily out the window in my underwear while eating a bowl of low calorie ice cream and honestly I feel violated

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

Goddamn liberal shithippies

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

I don't think my mum's homophobic but I've seen her laugh at the word lesbian

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

If you say 'I'm gay' 3 times into a mirror Kevin Hart appears and smashes a dollhouse over your head

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

When you cross ICE with SS you get ICE-S

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

@GrevelLindop I had your poem 'Five Lemons' for my IB literature exam yesterday and it reads like a lobotomised hamster with a faulty thesaurus wrote it.

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

Reagan more like gay king

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

I don't know why they call the Cold War cold. I think Reagan is #hot

[BRITISH MILK COUNCIL @BuyBritishMilk]

Just been called into the office to be told that British Milk Council are shutting down all social channels. I'm out of a job. Something about misuse of data higher up. Fuck that. I've changed the password and they're not having the account back.

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

If you aren't gay for Bowser are you even gay?

[demi adejuyigbe @electrolemon]

BRAIN: HEY
ME: AHHH what
BRAIN:
ME:
BRAIN: in 2005 the feature film Pooh’s Heffalump Movie was released in theaters. it is 68 minutes long.
ME: oh brother, again with the fucking heffalump fact

[Matt Dekker @killablebodied]

Does lifting your leg to take a piss make you a dog?