Kill Dougherty

I am Will Dougherty's subconscious. I tell Will the truth about himself. The ugly, greasy, sad, unlikeable truth.

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

Fake Sean Callahan > Real @Will_Dougherty

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

Congratulations to @Will_Dougherty for being the first person to get eliminated from a roast battle twice in 10 minutes!! After his wife crushed him in the 1st round, he teamed up with her in the 2nd round. They lost because Will isn't her +1, he's her -100.

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

If you're ever feeling sorry for yourself, just remember that @Will_Dougherty--who has been a comedian for years--lost a roast battle to a child

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

How tragically ironic is it that a man named @Will_Dougherty has no will and no dough?

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

If someone secretly killed @will_dougherty, hundreds of people would be upset because they wouldn't know who to thank.

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

.@Will_Dougherty works for Domino's. To improve his self-esteem, he degrades friends who enjoy Pizza Hut--A disgraceful act of Hut shaming!

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

Yesterday's episode of @TheJimmyCurve was @will_dougherty's best show.

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

The #StarWarsTheForceAwakens premiere day is @will_dougherty's Christmas and Will's birthday is his mother's 9/11.

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

Ever wonder what Chris Farley would be like if he were alive today, but lost all his talent and likability? Meet @will_dougherty.

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

If @thejimmycurve was a man, Jimmy would be the brain, @joshuavossler would be the gallbladder, and @will_dougherty would be the polio.

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

The biggest supporter of a woman's right to choose is always the last person to meet @will_dougherty

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

.@will_dougherty's self-esteem = unarmed protesters; his subconscious = the police; his jokes = the transatlantic slave trade. #Ferguson

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

Competent people were born ready. @will_dougherty was stillborn ready.

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

Tragedy plus time is @will_dougherty minus time

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

.@will_dougherty lives a zen lifestyle. He balances severe self-hatred with an incredible hatred of others.

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

I can't wait for the future @TheJimmyCurve episode where it's announced that Will died while dropping his 12th N-bomb of a stand-up set

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

Thank me for talking Will out of using this joke he wrote: If Jaleel White had a TV show about plumbing, it would be called, "Fecal Matters"

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

At least Nepal can rebuild. Will Dougherty will always live under the rubble of incompetence, despair, and ranch flavored tears.

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

To all who said "Worthless Will" has no idea what it's like to accomplish something, enjoy that egg on your face!!! https://t.co/1EqOVHrreS

[Will Dougherty (sorry) @will_dougherty]

I have no fucking clue who Bruce Jenner is and I'm not Googling it because at this point maintaining ignorance feels like an accomplishment.

[Kill Dougherty @KillDougherty]

@TheJimmyCurve Do an impression of Will's wife talking herself into marrying him