Smench

The Noble Red Beast Of Allston

[Smench @killsmench]

You: the clown of her nightmares
Me: the buffoon of her dreams

[Smench @killsmench]

On the hunt for a double ended marital aid

[Smench @killsmench]

Time to get disrespectfully sexy

[Smench @killsmench]

It’s a great way to stay in shape

[Smench @killsmench]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, a good mustache/facial hair day will increase the will to live tenfold

[Smench @killsmench]

*Goes to New York*

Realizes in the bathroom of the first bar I go to that I didn’t bring my whiteout, feels retarded the rest of the trip constantly reminded of all the golden opportunities I have to write my stupid name on someone else’s property

[Smench @killsmench]

You’re a tax payer and I’m a sax player

[Smench @killsmench]

Uhhh society it’s a big pie, we all gotta help cook it

[Smench @killsmench]

The phrase “DUMP EM OUT” has significantly more meaning to me and my hometown friends than anyone else

[Smench @killsmench]

Upper back pain really helps you forget about your lower back pain

[Smench @killsmench]

Walkin’ to the sound of my favorite chune

[Smench @killsmench]

@MAlexKrombop That 5G FL has been running since 2015

[Smench @killsmench]

Posting footage of yourself writing in your notebook while freight train hopping is peak performative male behavior

[Smench @killsmench]

@doober_T This guy gets it

[Smench @killsmench]

Alcohol is so counterproductive to building muscle but goddamnit I look so fuckin’ shredded the morning after drinking from being completely dehydrated

[Smench @killsmench]

Nahh I can’t be quiet and cutesy, I’m too big broad and brolic, I’m a make you talk nice

[Smench @killsmench]

I’m finally going to say it, a small box of matches with your logo/personal picture printed on it as an event/party favor is incredibly and insanely played out let’s stop this shit

[Smench @killsmench]

Bitch I thought I said just shut up and be lookin’ fine

[Old School Boston @OldSchoolBoston]

Blanchard's Liquor Store.

[Smench @killsmench]

Who are the adult equivalent to the high school pickup truck kids? Because I’m trying to chill with them

[Smench @killsmench]

FUCK totally missed my anabolic window earlier