Michael M

a turd in the hand is worth two in the tush.

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

I just asked ChatGPT how to make an egg roll and it told me to just give it a little push

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

Hope everyone has a good mammarial day weekend

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

They say pressure makes diamonds; well, the right pressure in the right place also makes me pee my pants

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

My give a dern’s busted

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

Amazon Crime: When you place an order they just break into your house and steal something as early as the same day.

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

Gimme one reason to stay here
And I’ll turn white black or brown

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

Finna make like water on a duck’s back.

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

@FreshTaBeth I would if I could.

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

Wish I was as good at talking to girls as I am dudes on marketplace with similar automotive interests.

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

Yall ever heard that concert R. Kelly did in Africa?
“Do you have your passport? Did you get your shots? Girrrrl do you wanna come back with Rob, to America”

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

A Mexican country music duo called Honk Y Tonk

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

I kinda respect that pringles has held firm on the design of their chips/can, even though people can’t fit their hands down in them

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

The doctor put me on beta blockers, so I guess I’m full on alpha now

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

Bop that bussy for me

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

That song about walking 1000 miles for a chick is by a band called the Pretenders. That MF was lyin

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

“Oh, you think you’re better than me?!?”
-Ezra

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

*cop walks up to your window*
*sniffs*
“Have you been farting this evening?”

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

Imagine being the CEO of Long John Silvers.

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

Tires shop told me I need to rotate my tires?
Buddy, how do you think I got here?

[Michael M @King_Red_Beard]

I don’t know if anyone’s better than me at ruining the vibe with a dad joke