Manuel Almunia

Somehow, I am number 1 goalkeeper for Arsenal FC. No countries want me.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

Just letting you know that I've joined Barcelona.

On Football Manager.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

I have been released. Liverpool just put a £30m bid in.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

Just placed a bet on Wojciech to come 40 yards out of his goal and shove Vermaelen over at odds of Almunia/1.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

Geoff Shreeves just phoned to tell me I've never caught a football.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

I'm staying in London to take Morris dancing to the West End stage.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

Sebastian and Park both in the squad. Tonight a new low has been reached.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

Never mind Liverpool, Arsenal has had their share of goalkeeping problems. There was this one time where I stayed fit all season...

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

My last Arsenal appearance was against Blackburn, and tonight I return there under the name of David De Gea. Viva La Cross Flapping!

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

fair enough if they don't want me as a goalkeeper, but I feel insulted that Wolves haven't even offered me the managers job yet.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

Who to win between Liverpool and Spurs? Jesus, that's like asking Mr Wenger to choose between me and Vito.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

What a save David, learnt from the best.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

You may be rid of me for the Premier League, but I can still play in The FA Cup - MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

I will be back with you soon @cesc4official! http://t.co/eyVHEhtI

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

I think by this time tomorrow I will have undeservedly survived more transfer windows than I have earned clean sheets in my entire career.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

If I play tomorrow will I keep a clean sheet? Will Spurs win the league? No.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

Thierry says to me today, "When I left you 5 years ago, you were outside your area. I come back, you're still standing in the wrong place."

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

My new year's resolution is simple: catch something.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

This Christmas I aim to give gifts to my family rather than opposing strikers.

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

Yet another player has usurped me in the goalkeeping pecking order. http://t.co/WE1ePzu8

[Manuel Almunia @kingmanuel1]

Meanwhile, outside The Hawthorns, a statue has been unveiled of me barging into Sebastien Squillaci.