ET - katy perry (2025 - space edition)

[shelby cole @shelbylcole]

i am going to become the joker

[ET - katy perry (2025 - space edition) @KingMitch69]

@shortsqueeznews We’re ignoring the fact that the firm has another associate with a perfect face and perfect symmetrical breasts who could hypnotize any human (man, woman, nonbinary Amex user)

[ET - katy perry (2025 - space edition) @KingMitch69]

@NoahKahan Dan tonight king?

[🎃Nosferascoob🎃 @Scoobydouchebag]

Lying and saying I have the fancy diarrhea instead of my usual style of diarrhea

[JP @jpbrammer]

the phrase "lipstick on a pig" has always inspired a deep sadness in me. I think of the pig, looking forward to her big night out, and I bring myself to the verge of tears.

[doc. @__Floww]

take me off my SSRI and yall gone wish we were one nation under god.

[Gritty @GrittyNHL]

i fear i have become more powerful

[alli @sonofalli]

me and somebody’s dad at work

[gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi]

The biggest difference between me and my father is that I know I’m mentally ill

[Keefler @Keefler_Elf]

snowed in and the power is out. can’t even watch movies. only option is to close my eyes and watch Wreck it Ralph in my head from memory

[elsa @callmeMaharani]

why do men always speak to me like they’re explaining stuff to me. i’m smarter than you. go touch grass and stop talking to women.

[Fairy Gothmother, MD @jenny2x4]

At least we don’t have to see Charlie Kirk’s idiotic take about this

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

"Ha ha ha! Terrific!" - Mitt Romney, every time Jar Jar Binks appears on screen

[mitra @mitrajoy_]

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio and then call people slurs on the internet

[ET - katy perry (2025 - space edition) @KingMitch69]

@stoolpresidente *sight you fucking turd

[Buddy @EdGeinFan2]

the worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person

[Lupin @the_arttheif]

I hope this email kills us both

[Liz @lzreads]

“Meet the AI-powered—“ no, I don’t want to ❤️ I don’t think I will actually ❤️❤️❤️

[Sketel 🇯🇲 @rieslingbeauty]

As a result of ADHD, all my motivation is external. I’m motivated by spite, pressure, last minute deadlines, suffering, fear, proving my point, etc. If my world isn’t about to fall apart, I’m chilling. So, unfortunately all my lessons are learned the hard way lmaoooo