I really have to get an updated picture of my girlfriend. The one I carry in my wallet is from when she was 12 and people say the meanest things when they think you are dating a 12 year old.
Today I made a snowball with some ice and rock pieces in it and pelted a kid in the face with it. When I was young that was called “building character” and now apparently it’s called “child abuse”?! What has the world come to?
Apparently it’s “unprofessional” and “disrespectful” to dress up as a baby at work and ask all the women for some milk. When did Halloween become so censored?
#LookingForAJob
My mother found out I was going to streak at the local football game so she took my roller blades away. Now I have no way to get around efficiently. #MothersMakeMeMad
Let’s get all the old ladies who think they should still be out driving around and push them into a pool of yogurt. That’ll keep them busy for a while. #OldGrandmaShouldNotDrive
I want to say one thing right off the bat! Fuck Frontier Airlines!!!! However, I am on United and not only did you cancel my first flight, but now I have to deboard my return flight. You fucking suck and now I won’t be able to masturbate tonight. You are pathetic
I am trying to be more honest on this app. About a month ago I watched the movie Happy Feet for the first time and now I am having constant night terrors about the main character.
Does anyone have any recommendations?