eli

digital diary of a doomed girl

[eli @kittycattpaw]

the intrusive thought of using a clothes iron to close it felt way smarter than it actually was

[eli @kittycattpaw]

I found an antibiotic solution and some petroleum jelly so I'm using those now
I ran out of the antibiotic pills so it hurts more when I move now instead of feeling numb but it's okay

[eli @kittycattpaw]

@tiniestkittykat I'm okay! ty for asking

[eli @kittycattpaw]

I accidentally cut my thigh down to the fat tissue yesterday and I'm broke as fuck I don't even have alcohol or a way to get to the hospital
wow I'm so fucked I'm just relying on water w salt, a clean cloth and some antibiotic pills

[eli @kittycattpaw]

Eating a healthy breakfast at 9am like I didn't eat a bunch of bullshit at midnight

[eli @kittycattpaw]

Waste of lax tho

[eli @kittycattpaw]

I'm stupid I put two lax pills in my noodles I should just purge it bruh

[eli @kittycattpaw]

I did

[eli @kittycattpaw]

I look at the pictures of myself from when I was thin and deep in my disorder like I'm staring at a picture of my dead wife

[eli @kittycattpaw]

hell is being stuck in a binge cycle w a disordered mom who's in some starving competition w u and always manages to throw in a few comments about ur food or ur body
It's so humiliating I cried for hours after she told me I'm thick and I'll never change that

[eli @kittycattpaw]

I purged yesterday after being purge free for idk how long and I couldn't sleep bc my heart was hurting lol

[eli @kittycattpaw]

I gained bc I stopped purging🐽🐽

[eli @kittycattpaw]

omg stfu all I said was I'm depressed bc my period's close and I'm having the urge to wrap a rope around my neck

[eli @kittycattpaw]

My mom trying to comfort me and make me feel better is not working sometimes I just wish she'd shut the fuck up
Telling me to just accept how I look there's nothing I can do about it and I'm just naturally thick

[eli @kittycattpaw]

broke a new record and probably ate over 100g of sugar today at this rate I'm gonna die from diabetes soon

[eli @kittycattpaw]

I looked so sick and pale my face was so small now I'm puffy and feel like a water balloon holy shit it's humiliating
My ribs aren't as sharp and prominent as they used to be I'll just accept my fate I gained it's not water weight

[eli @kittycattpaw]

I'm so stupid I was so focused on fasting that I ended up stuck in this cycle where I don't break my fast until after midnight so I stay up all night without sleeping no wonder I'm always hungry and craving sweets and other bullshit no wonder I gained

[eli @kittycattpaw]

I can already see myself gaining weight but I'm trying to convince myself it's just water weight

[eli @kittycattpaw]

It's 7am and I've already eaten over my deficit I'm probably at 2500c now maybe even more I feel like shit I feel like shit I feel like shit

[akyra  @yourbabystrawb]

a whole lot of eating not a lot of disorder