I think this is the real gem of doomed yaoi ( is that how we r callin this? ), to be able to thrive on the endless pain, distrust and unconsistency. Theres no happy ending, but a continuos process of having to build up, deconstruct then going back all again.
Usually, my preference is quite weird compares to many fans. Some ship their couples despite knowing how rare they interact, some love the dynamic between them, or maybe are attracted to both characters