Kyle Knupp

I made this account because I am mad at Virginia Tech Baseball

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

@Bounty count your days. The quality of the serations on your paper towel has degraded to the point of it being almost unusable. I’m tired of having half ripped down the middle paper towels all the time. @Brawny you think a pivot to your business is what I should be looking at?

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

I’m a little slut for some Olympics

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

@Microsoft I need to manage my dead Mom’s Microsoft account that I am locked out of. Your AI helpers don’t seem to understand the concept of Mom being dead and not being able to access her email. Give me a human to talk to. Have some respect for the dead

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

@SamsungUS I have a goblin living in my washer/dryer that turns all of my @lululemon hoodies inside out. How do I rectify this issue?

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

I dream of one day starting a populist movement against an HOA that gets me elected as president of said HOA and then performing a hostile takeover of it to only benefit myself in a way that mirrors our current federal government

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

If I could be a professional lint trap cleaner I would

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

Inside me there are two wolves constantly fighting: one of chaotic boyish wonder and another of organized structural tidiness

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

If there truly are infinite parallel universes, it means that there is at least one in which I get Dua Lipa to fall in love with me; I just have to chose to believe that that is the one I exist in

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

I am more excited about the @Pope being from Chicago than I was for the birth of my first son

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

If you don’t love me at my “I’m about to house two cups of cottage cheese in under 3 minutes” you don’t deserve me at my “I’m going to eat an appropriate amount of cottage cheese in an appropriate amount of time”

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

Thinking about driving up to @CMC_22 Lake Norman house during lunch and pooping in the yard for losing my fantasy matchup. “Should be good to go for Monday night” all week and then out. Do better. Fine the @49ers @NFL for falsely using the injury report. #CMC more like #PeeMPee

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

Born for South American women named Alejandra, destined for white white girls named Patty 😔

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

Are children constantly dehydrated? I never drank water as a kid. I drink it all the time now and always think I am dehydrated. How do they survive?

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

Cups that don’t change color when you put a cold liquid in them should be illegal

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

There is a strong negative correlation between the amount of money someone makes and their ability to park a car

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

You’re a psycho if you wipe your butt sitting down

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

Drinking Michelob Ultra makes me feel like a white collar criminal as opposed to my normal blue collar criminal self

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

I’m tryna knock someone up just so I can have the dad strength

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

@TheBenBender is this game gonna happen? I don’t want to stand here just pounding David Tepper’s (Daddy to you) beers for $14 a pop. I’m a common man. @koa_santos @georgemarks_24 @JordyAlcivar5 @GuzmanCorujo14 @TeamMessi @Cristiano

[Kyle Knupp @kknupp24]

#ACCBase