law school survivor

throwaway journal-biz grad-law student-fashion enthusiast-rock bottom ranter-occasionally s***idal-borderline witchcraft enthusiast

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

but again, do i, individually, have to mean anything?
does he mean anything?
he’s nice. he’s sweet. he’s safe.
am i here just because he gave the bare minimum?
to a person like me, does that look like gold?
is it better when we’re together?

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

how do i feel for him
what do i feel for him
im so lost
but im not lost
there’s shared vulnerability
is that all this is?
there’s intimacy
is that an added factor?
there’s good times, laughter
is it just supplementary?
does it mean anything?
do i, individually, mean anything?

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

what am i doing?

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

wow

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

i wish i could be mad at you for the things you did
i’m only mad at you because you left
i would’ve forgiven you for dragging me through mud if it meant it’d be your hand dragging me through it
i’m in love with you
i’m stuck between wishing you’d come back and letting you go

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

i’ve met you every night since the day you left
the only difference is you’re actually not here anymore
but you are
when i close my eyes
here you are
my sweet boy
things haven’t changed
in my mind, you’re still here
i wish they change
i wish i see the reality

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

things haven’t changed
i still plan my day around you
i tick all the things i’ll tell you
i come back
the clock hits 7
and i tell you everything
i look at your face
but my eyes are closed
i tell you everything
i meet you every night

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

this is such a new situation how do i structure it

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

shrey, you have ruined my life.

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

decode.
no, i’m not ready.
maybe tomorrow night after 12.

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

balloons, again. crazy life man.

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

idk anymore

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

is he the loml

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

innumerable times when i imagined being in a library when i was younger now im at the library of my dreams but the girl who wanted to be here got lost amidst the chaos

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

he’ll never care about this association no matter what shape or form it is in

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

its not like s cant do it he just doesnt want to

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

im longing
for someone
who makes me feel loved the way i am
completely and wholly
and ill give up everything if i find that

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

longing
yearning
an ideal life
which is ideal from the trenches but not when you get out of the trenches
longing
yearning
to fill up my heart
and to fill up his
with whatever little i have to give
longing
yearning
to be something more than a body
longing
so much longing

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

there’s longing
so much longing
to just belong
wholly
deeply
fully
just belong, to someone or someplace
just be accepted
just be normal
just walk with the breeze that life brings instead of its storms
there’s longing
so much longing
and ive waited too long

[law school survivor @klausxwolf]

timeline of events:

x&y emphasise upon looks wrt dating
x tells me that z likes a
a looks nothing like me

q to self- what is the trigger?

points to be considered:
-relation to person
-its role in the trigger
-do the above two points make sense to me when im reasonable